I have some suggestions for you to try the next time you feel trapped by a talking addict. Kindly and gently, tell the truth! It might go something like this: "I'd really like to connect with you, but I find myself feeling bored and drained, with my mind wandering, and feeling kind of trapped by your monologue. I'd like to have a two-way conversation with you, but I can't seem to get a word in. Is it possible for us to have a two-way conversation rather than this monologue?"
Or, you could open to learning about why the person is going on and on. You might say, again kindly and gently, "Are you aware that we are not actually having a conversation? I haven't been able to say a word, and I'm wondering why this is. Why is it so important to you to talk so much? Are you interested in anything I have to say, or in actually connecting with me?"
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If neither of these feel right to you, and if you don't want to continue to be bored and feel drained, it really is okay to excuse yourself. Sometimes I just smile and say, "Excuse me," and walk away. While some might consider that rude, I consider it to be loving to myself, because I don't like being used to fill up another's emptiness. Just because they are abandoning themselves and making me responsible for them, doesn't mean I have to abandon myself and take responsibility for them instead of for myself. In my view, it's more loving to either speak up or disengage, than to enable the talker to continue acting out their addiction.
I have much compassion for people who feel so inwardly alone and empty that they try to trap others into filling them up, but I also have compassion for myself. Sitting there, standing there, or staying on the phone with someone who has a talking addiction is not kind to myself.
Taking loving care of yourself is the best way of supporting others in taking loving care of themselves. Only then we can come to each other full of love to share, rather than trying to get love.
To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free! ! Discover SelfQuest®, a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution computer program. Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.
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