Stop Fighting! 4 Steps To Lovingly Disengaging
By Dr. Margaret Paul. Posted on .
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Let Go of Control: If you have attempted to learn with this person and they are not open to learning, or you know from past experience that this person will not open, you say to yourself, "I have no control over this person. There is nothing I can say or do to change this person."
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Tune into your feelings: You tune into your feelings of loneliness, sorrow, heartache, heartbreak and helplessness, acknowledging them, compassionately holding them in your heart and nurturing them for a few minutes. It is most important that you do not reject and abandon yourself. The real pain in these situations is self-abandonment.
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Attend to triggers: You go inside to see if there is anything from the past that may be triggered. Is this person triggering experiences you had as a child? If so, then compassionately embrace these old feelings
- Do what you love to do: You do something you really love to do — walk in nature, read a book, listen to music, do something creative like draw, play an instrument or write, take a bath, talk with a friend (not about the other person), play with a pet, or whatever else feels loving and nurturing to you.
What you do not do is walk away in anger, blame or judgment, or ruminate about what you should say or what the other person is saying or doing. You do whatever you need to do to keep your heart open so that when the other person opens again, you have no residual resentment and are fully ready to re-engage.
When you loving disengage and do not abandon yourself, you will feel wonderful, even if the other person doesn't open. You will no longer feel abandoned by the other person.
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