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Stop Fighting! 4 Steps To Lovingly Disengaging

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Stop Fighting! 4 Steps To Lovingly Disengaging
Do you want to keep fighting & perhaps destroying your relationship? There is another way.
  1. Let Go of Control: If you have attempted to learn with this person and they are not open to learning, or you know from past experience that this person will not open, you say to yourself, "I have no control over this person. There is nothing I can say or do to change this person."
     
  2. Tune into your feelings: You tune into your feelings of loneliness, sorrow, heartache, heartbreak and helplessness, acknowledging them, compassionately holding them in your heart and nurturing them for a few minutes. It is most important that you do not reject and abandon yourself. The real pain in these situations is self-abandonment.
     
  3. Attend to triggers: You go inside to see if there is anything from the past that may be triggered. Is this person triggering experiences you had as a child? If so, then compassionately embrace these old feelings
     
  4. Do what you love to do: You do something you really love to do — walk in nature, read a book, listen to music, do something creative like draw, play an instrument or write, take a bath, talk with a friend (not about the other person), play with a pet, or whatever else feels loving and nurturing to you.

What you do not do is walk away in anger, blame or judgment, or ruminate about what you should say or what the other person is saying or doing. You do whatever you need to do to keep your heart open so that when the other person opens again, you have no residual resentment and are fully ready to re-engage.

When you loving disengage and do not abandon yourself, you will feel wonderful, even if the other person doesn't open. You will no longer feel abandoned by the other person.

More from YourTango: Relationships: When to Talk, When to Act


To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free! Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.

Connect with Margaret on Facebook: Inner Bonding, and Facebook: SelfQuest.

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Dr. Margaret Paul

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

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