Others will likely feel manipulated, blamed and controlled when you make a statement such as "I'm angry with you," or "I'm feeling hurt by what you said." If the other person says "That's your problem," or responds with anger, defensiveness or withdrawal, and then you respond with "I'm just sharing my feelings," the interaction can get really convoluted.
Next time you share your feelings and the other person gets angry, defensive or withdrawn, take a moment to investigate your own intention. The chances are you are covertly blaming the other person for your feelings. Once you discover that this is what you are doing, disengage from the interaction and do an Inner Bonding process to explore how you might be causing your own feelings. What are you telling yourself and how are you treating yourself that is causing your upsetting feelings?
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You will discover that your interactions with others greatly improve when you stop being a victim by blaming others for your feelings and start to take responsibility for your own feelings.
To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free! ! Discover SelfQuest®, a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution computer program. Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.
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