Sex And New Relationships

By

Sex And New Relationships
Have you had promising new relationships fall apart after having sex? Find out how to prevent this.

Brad was just completing his divorce after having been married for over 25 years. He had not dated in what seemed like forever to him, and had no idea how to start. "How do you start a new relationship?" he asked me in our counseling session.

"What are you most concerned about?" I asked.

 

"Sex," he answered.

"What about sex?" I asked.

Pause...."Well...performance. What if I can't perform? What if I'm too nervous to perform?"

"Okay. Let's start with sex."

In the many years that I've been counseling, I've discovered that the one mistake people make in starting a new relationship is to have sex too soon. There are many reasons why people have sex too soon: they think it will create deeper intimacy, they are just in it for the conquest, they are afraid of rejection if they say no, they get physically carried away, they like sex. Let's take the example of Yvonne.

Yvonne is a lovely young woman in her middle thirties who wants to get married and have children. She has no trouble meeting men, but the relationships don't last. In fact, they rarely even get started.

The problem is that Yvonne often believes what men say to her early on in the relationship. The last man she dated a couple of months ago, came on very strong. He told her on the first date how wonderful she was, how he had rarely met anyone like her. When he came on sexually, she resisted, although she was turned on and attracted to him. He suavely said to her "I bet you're worried that if we have sex I won't call you again." "Right," she said. "That's exactly what I'm worried about." Well, he answered, "I'm not that kind of man. Can't you tell that we're really connected to each other? I haven't had such a good time in years! Of course I want to see you again!" Yvonne agreed that they were having a wonderful time. She put aside her inner warning signals and had sex with him. Sure enough, he never called her again.

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

Trusting Others Starts With Trusting Yourself

By

"I have a hard time trusting people." "I never feel like I can trust my husband (or wife)." It is very common for me in my work as a counselor to hear the above statements. Trust issues abound in relationships. However, resolving trust issues is not about getting another person to be trustworthy. It's about you become a ... Read more

How To Become Free

By

I used to think that to become free you had to practice like a samurai warrior, but now I understand that you have to practice like a devoted mother of a newborn child. It takes the same energy but has a completely different quality. It's compassion and presence rather than having to defeat the enemy in battle. ~Jack Kornfield, "The ... Read more

Is He Pushing Your Buttons? 5 Ways To Walk Away Without A Fight

By

We all have many addictive ways of avoiding feeling our painful feelings and taking responsibility for them, especially in a long-term relationship or marriage. Some ways are obvious, such as substance abuse, but some ways can be very subtle, such as picking a fight with your partner under the guise of effective communication. Take a look. Do you see your ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular