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Safety: Controlling Others or Loving Yourself?

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Safety: Controlling Others or Loving Yourself?
Do you believe that safety comes from having control over getting another's love?

"Yes, I can see that around most other people, I stay connected with myself and I feel safe, but around my mother and my wife, I disconnect from myself so I feel unsafe. I get angry at them because I always want to get my way with them, which I think will make me feel safe. I get so focused on things that are not really important just to have things my way and feel in control of them. I spend so much energy being angry at them so that I can have things my way, and then I end up feeling awful."

"Right! Obviously, your ego wounded self doesn’t know what he is talking about! His idea of what creates safety only ends up making you feel unsafe!"

More from YourTango: Relationships: When to Talk, When to Act

"Yes! Gineen and I had an argument just before our phone call that was over something relatively unimportant, and I started the call feeling awful. I can see that I was trying to control her rather than be loving to myself and that made me feel very anxious and unsettled inside. After our call, I'm going to apologize to her for getting angry at her. I'm sure it makes her feel awful too. I wasn't caring about her at all. I just wanted to have my way and be right. I can see that if I had just taken care of myself instead of getting upset with her. I would have felt fine!"

To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free! ! Discover SelfQuest®, a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution computer program. Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.

More from YourTango: Stop Escalating Conflict!

Connect with Margaret on Facebook: Inner Bonding, and Facebook: SelfQuest.

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Dr. Margaret Paul

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

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