Resistance to Receiving Love

By

Resistance to Receiving Love
Have you had the experience of giving from love & not being received, or unable to receive another's

Have you ever had the experience of sharing your kindness with someone - just for the joy of it with no intent to control - and the other person didn't receive it as kindness? Just because we offer love or kindness doesn't mean that the other person will receive it. We do not control another's intent, so just because we are open-hearted, doesn't mean that the other person will be open-hearted.

When someone doesn’t receive your positive energy with his or her own positive energy, this may be a wonderful opportunity for learning. If you do not take the other person's resistance personally, then you can stay open and ask the other person about their reaction in a kind way.

 

One of my readers asked me to write an article on this subject, stating that:
"…you say something positive to someone about them and you feel and know that your intent is to be giving and not to control and they have trouble accepting that, maybe because of their past experiences with other people."

When I've had this happen, I remained open and asked the other person about their reaction in a kind way and it became a learning moment for both of us.

Learning moments are wonderful! For an interaction to be a learning moment, both people need to be open to learning. However, even if you stay open to learning when someone doesn't receive your kindness, the other person may not open to learning with you. As much as we all want to believe that if we are loving and kind, others will be loving and kind, this is not the case. Our intent does not determine another's intent. While we might influence a closed person to be open with our own kindness, that person might still choose to remain closed. When this is the case, we cannot learn with each other.

If you have difficulty receiving others' love and kindness, there must be a very good reason for it. What has happened in your past that led to a lack of trust of others' kindness? Did your parents give with strings attached?

In my background, my mother gave with big strings attached, while my father gave freely. I become like my father, loving to give, but not trusting that others were giving from the heart. Before Inner Bonding, I assumed that most other people were like my mother and would attempt to extract something from me as a result of their giving. Not having developed a loving adult self to take care of me when others wanted something from me, and not wanting to be indebted to them, I had trouble receiving their love or kindness.

This article was originally published at Inner Bonding . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

Relationships: The Power of Goodwill

By

Research into good marriages indicates that the most important choice healthy couples make is to have goodwill toward each other. This may seems like a simple requirement, yet many couples have anything but goodwill toward each other. Instead, they make it far more important to: • Attempt to control each other with criticism, judgments, blame, anger, ... Read more

“I Feel Overwhelmed”

By

I often hear from my clients that they feel overwhelmed. Generally, feeling overwhelmed means one of three things: • Overwhelmed by their feelings • Overwhelmed by time pressures • Overwhelmed by how to do things ‘right’ The feeling of overwhelm is generally caused by how we are treating ourselves and what we are telling ... Read more

The Moment of Choice – To Love or React

By

All of us have "triggers" that set off our fear or anxiety and may lead to our reactivity - anger, defensiveness, withdrawal, compliance or resistance. We are especially triggered in our important relationships. Take a moment right now to think about what, in your relationships, triggers you into your fear or anxiety. Are you triggered ... Read more

See More

 
PARTNER POSTS