Most people are not conscious of when they are operating from their ego wounded self – the part of them that wants to control. They generally don't know they are being needy, demanding, blaming, attacking, guilting, and so on. And, they often don't remember what they said and did while operating from their wounded self.
Therefore, trying to talk about a difficult or painful situation after the fact generally doesn't get anywhere, or leads to even more conflict.
More from YourTango: "You're Not Meeting My Needs"
The challenge is to respond in the moment. Yet we often don't know what to say in the moment because we have rarely seen people lovingly speak up for themselves. We have a sad dearth of role models for loving self-care.
For example, let's say your mother is making a statement that feels to you like a guilt-inducing statement. What are some of the things you can say to take loving care of yourself?
"Mom, are you trying to make me feel guilty?"
"Mom, it sounds like you want me to feel guilty. Is that your intent?"
If she says, "No," then you can say, "Good! I'm glad to hear that. It sure sounded that way to me, and it makes me sad to think that you would want me to feel guilty."
More from YourTango: How To Leave An Abusive Relationship
How would you feel if you spoke up for yourself like that?
You can use the same kind of statements for many different situations: