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Relationships: Control Or Kindness

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Relationships: Control Or Kindness
If your primary focus is to control your partner, then you may be having relationship problems.

Then I spoke with Rudy. "Rudy, I really understand that Carmella's criticism of you feels devastating to you. But withdrawing is not a loving way of taking care of your self. Your inner child needs for you to speak up for him. When Carmella is critical of you, instead of withdrawing, you need to say something like, 'This feels terrible. I hate it when you treat me this way. I hate being criticized by you. I don't like it when you try to control me and get me to be the way you think I should be.' Carmella is not aware of being so critical, and she is not aware of the effect her criticism is having on you. You need to be willing to risk speaking up for yourself rather than withdrawing."

Both Carmella and Rudy agreed to learn and practice the Inner Bonding process so they could learn to be kind to themselves and to each other. Carmella worked hard to see the Rudy she fell in love with. Rudy started to speak up for himself when Carmella was critical, and started to feel better about himself as a result. Through their Inner Bonding practice and the resulting kindness to themselves and each other, their relationship is healing.

More from YourTango: Relationships: When to Talk, When to Act

To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free! ! Discover SelfQuest®, a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution computer program. Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.

More from YourTango: Stop Escalating Conflict!

Connect with Margaret on Facebook: Inner Bonding, and Facebook: SelfQuest.

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Dr. Margaret Paul

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

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