Discover what it means to be dependent/codependent on others and how to avoid it
Are you dependent/codependent?
- Are you dependent on others for your sense of worth?
- Are you dependent on others for your sense of safety?
- Are you dependent on others for your happiness and sense of wellbeing?
- Do you need to be needed to feel worthwhile?
- Are you afraid to be alone?
- Do you feel empty unless you are interacting with others who are approving of you? Are you addicted to approval?
- Are you terrified of rejection? Do you give yourself up to avoid rejection? Are you willing to lose yourself rather than lose someone else?
- Do you believe that others are responsible for your feelings?
- Are you much more aware of others feelings than you are of your own?
- Do you feel victimized by others?
- Are you often angry, blaming, compliant, resistant and/or withdrawn in relationships?
- Are you always trying to change yourself to get someone's love or approval?
- Are you often focused on getting someone else to change so that you feel loved, seen, understood, heard and valued?
Most of us grew up with parents who were dependent or codependent, and we learned from them to be dependent/codependent. The ego wounded self in all of us is dependent/codependent to one degree or another.
Dependency/codependency is a symptom of self-abandonment. When we have not decided to take 100% responsibility for our own feelings and wellbeing, then we become dependent upon others to do it for us. Once we hand over to others the responsibility for our worth, lovability and safety, then we need to do all we can to have control over them giving us what we want to feel worthy, happy and safe.
Why would we persist in this even when, over and over, it doesn't work? What are the beliefs keeping you from taking 100% responsibility for yourself?
Do you believe that:
- Others know how to love you better than you know how to love yourself?
- You are incapable of learning how to love yourself and fill yourself with love, so others have to do it for you?
- Others loving you feels SO much better than loving yourself?
- If you take responsibility for yourself, you will end up alone because you won’t need anyone?
- You missed out on being loved as a child so it is now up to others to give you what you didn't get?
- Loving yourself is selfish?
As you read through these beliefs, try to really take the time to tune into what you believe. Then, open to your inner wisdom for the truth. If you are honest with yourself, you will discover that all of these beliefs are false. Any of these false beliefs can keep you stuck in self-abandonment and the resulting dependency/codependency.
Are there one or more of these beliefs keeping you stuck? Are you willing to test them out by devoting yourself to learning to love yourself? Are you willing to accept that there is not one person on the planet who wants the responsibility for your sense of worth and safety? Are you willing to discover that, not only can you learn to love yourself, but that loving yourself and sharing your love with others is truly what fills your aloneness and emptiness and creates the deepest joy, and the deepest sense of worth and safety? Are you willing to discover that taking responsibility for yourself, far from leading to being alone, leads to loving relationships?
Until you are willing to take a chance and decide to take full responsibility for yourself, how will you ever know the truth.
Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her new 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."
Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Relationships Course: "Loving Relationships: A 30-Day at-Home Experience with Dr. Margaret Paul - For people who are partnered and people who want to be partnered."
To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free! ! Discover SelfQuest®, a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution computer program. Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.
This article was originally published at http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/2196/relationships-are-you-dependentcodependent.html. Reprinted with permission from the author.