Dishonesty and infidelity can often be deal-breakers, depending upon the situation. Some people can learn from and grow through these difficult situations, while for others the wound is too deep to repair.
Mandy and Hal were in their late 30’s when they met and fell in love. Both were in unhappy marriages, which they decided to leave to be with each other.
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However, Hal had married the first time when he was very young. He had never had an opportunity to do some of the things he really wanted to do - like travel on his own or explore relationships with other women. He loved Mandy but he felt trapped. He wanted his freedom.
As a result he started to pull away from Mandy, which was very painful for her. They received counseling to try to reconcile the situation. Mandy was willing for Hal to leave and travel for six months, but Hal was reluctant to leave Mandy. Mandy had not expected a man in his late 30's to need to sow wild oats.
Then Mandy found out that Hal had slept with another woman. His pulling away was bad enough, but his infidelity was a deal-breaker. Mandy ended their relationship the day she discovered the affair. She told Hal that she still loved him but could not continue due to his infidelity and dishonesty.
Dishonesty about money can also be a deal-breaker, such as finding out that your partner is earning money by selling drugs, or through some other illegal operation.
Most conflicts - conflicts that are about communication and control issues - can be resolved when both people are willing to learn. But some conflicts are true deal-breakers.
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