Dylan was also devastated. He really loved Hannah and had no idea why he had been having an affair with a woman who meant nothing to him. Fortunately, Dylan reached out for help and started phone sessions with me. In the course of his Inner Bonding work, he discovered deep feelings of worthlessness from a highly abusive childhood. He had learned to define his worth through women and sex, and was addicted to the validation he received from women. He had no idea how to fill and validate himself, and was driven to appease his fear and anxiety through sex with multiple women.
Dylan also discovered that he was terrified of being controlled, due to his angry and controlling mother. Having an affair was a way to protect himself from this fear. Hannah frequently used anger as a way to have her way. Dylan had never learned how to stand up for himself, having learned to be a caretaker for his parents. Withdrawing into his addiction was the only way he knew of not being controlled.
While Dylan believed in God, he had no connection with a personal source of spiritual guidance. As he learned and began to practice the Six Steps of Inner Bonding and developed his spiritual connection, Dylan began to fill up from the inside, instead of having always to fill up from the outside. Dylan was diligent regarding his Inner Bonding practice and within a short time, he knew that his sexual addiction was behind him. He had no more desire to act out sexually. He loved Hannah and just wanted to be with her.
Dylan was also healing the old guilt from his parents' blame and abuse. He was learning to stand up for himself, rather than allow himself be controlled—to speak his truth rather than comply out of fear and guilt to someone's demands.
At this point, he contacted Hannah. She was still hurt and furious, and had no trust in him at all. However, she still loved him, and was confused about what to do. Her family and friends advised her to stay away, but she heard something new in Dylan's voice that compelled her to open up a bit. She started phone sessions with me as well.