Mending Broken Trust

By

Mending Broken Trust
When trust is broken, it does not need to be the end of a relationship—even with infidelity.

Dylan and Hannah were to be married in a month when Hannah found out that Dylan had been cheating on her with another woman. Devastated, she ended their relationship.

Dylan was also devastated. He really loved Hannah and had no idea why he had been having an affair with a woman who meant nothing to him. Fortunately, Dylan reached out for help and started phone sessions with me. In the course of his Inner Bonding work, he discovered deep feelings of worthlessness from a highly abusive childhood. He had learned to define his worth through women and sex, and was addicted to the validation he received from women. He had no idea how to fill and validate himself, and was driven to appease his fear and anxiety through sex with multiple women.

Dylan also discovered that he was terrified of being controlled, due to his angry and controlling mother. Having an affair was a way to protect himself from this fear. Hannah frequently used anger as a way to have her way. Dylan had never learned how to stand up for himself, having learned to be a caretaker for his parents. Withdrawing into his addiction was the only way he knew of not being controlled.

While Dylan believed in God, he had no connection with a personal source of spiritual guidance. As he learned and began to practice the Six Steps of Inner Bonding and developed his spiritual connection, Dylan began to fill up from the inside, instead of having always to fill up from the outside. Dylan was diligent regarding his Inner Bonding practice and within a short time, he knew that his sexual addiction was behind him. He had no more desire to act out sexually. He loved Hannah and just wanted to be with her.
Dylan was also healing the old guilt from his parents' blame and abuse. He was learning to stand up for himself, rather than allow himself be controlled—to speak his truth rather than comply out of fear and guilt to someone's demands.

At this point, he contacted Hannah. She was still hurt and furious, and had no trust in him at all. However, she still loved him, and was confused about what to do. Her family and friends advised her to stay away, but she heard something new in Dylan's voice that compelled her to open up a bit. She started phone sessions with me as well.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

"How Do I Ask For What I Need?"

By

In a healthy, loving relationship, partners ask each other for what they need, and generally receive a caring response. But sometimes this can get tricky – depending on whether it is your loving adult asking, or your wounded self. This dilemma is expressed by Julie in the following question: "How can we express to our partner that sometimes we ... Read more

Relationships: Hanging in Through the Hard Stuff

By

Are you committed to working through the difficult and painful issues that inevitably arise in relationships, or do you run when things get hard? If you want to have a long-term loving relationship, then you need to learn to hang in through the hard stuff. When Isabel and Lloyd met, they both felt that this was the relationship they had each been looking ... Read more

"I'm Trying to Leave"

By

Angela asked me the following questions in one of my free webinars: "My husband was diagnosed with Asperger’s three years ago and I have been trying to leave him for 1.5 years now. How can I leave and grieve without being overwhelmed when he says he will change? I'm not sure if he will ever be able to connect with me ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB