How To Tell If It's Romance Or Friendship

By Dr. Margaret Paul. Posted on Dec 3rd 2012.

Some relationships are ambiguous. Dr. Margaret Paul can help you sort it out.

James and Cindy were wonderful friends but not good life partners. Romance just wasn't there. He loved her but he never fell in love with her.

Abigail found herself in the same position as James, only she had stayed in the relationship with Andrew for seven years, hoping that romance would grow. She knew at the beginning of the relationship that she was not sexually attracted to Andrew but he was such a nice guy and he really loved her.

More from YourTango: It's All In The Energy!

The sad thing is that Abigail really wanted children, but by the time she finally left the relationship, it was very close to being too late to have children.

Why didn't she leave sooner?

"I hate being alone. I don't know that I can be alone and I'm afraid that I won't find another partner. Besides, we are best friends."

Both James and Abigail could have saved a lot of time if they had understood the difference between friendship and romance.

It is my experience that if the spark and the flow aren't there at the beginning, they generally won't develop. I won't say never, because I have seen a few relationships where the spark did develop over time but this is generally not the case.

More from YourTango: Are You Caretaking or Are You Being Loving?

If the spark does not develop within the first six months of the relationship, it is time to move on — unless a companionship relationship is acceptable to you. But if spark, flow and romance are important to you, then accept that you and your partner have a wonderful friendship but not a romance.

Find an expert!

Article contributed by

View profile

Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Los Angeles, CA

Credentials: PhD

Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression

Website: http://www.innerbonding.com/

Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

It's All In The Energy!

By Dr. Margaret Paul

A friend of mine recently said to me, somewhat in awe, "I'm just discovering that energy is everything!" Right, it is, but what does this mean, exactly? Our energy is the frequency, or vibration, that automatically emanates from our being, and is a result of our intention. Each of us is always radiating energy. Energy operates on a ... Read more

Are You Caretaking or Are You Being Loving?

By Dr. Margaret Paul

"How do I know when I am caretaking and when I am being loving?" I get asked this question quite frequently. The answer lies in understanding your intent. Caretaking Caretaking comes from the ego wounded self and the intent behind caretaking is to control. When you are caretaking, you are giving yourself up to do what someone else wants ... Read more

The Recipe For Intimacy: Revealing And Accepting

By Dr. Margaret Paul

Most of us say we want a close, connected intimate relationship, but this doesn't just happen. It is made up of two essential parts: revealing yourself and accepting your partner. While this might sound easy, it is generally quite challenging for two reasons: In order to reveal yourself, you need to know yourself. In order to accept your ... Read more