Love and Relationships: Best Feelings, Worst Feelings

By Dr. Margaret Paul. Posted on Dec 22nd 2012.

Do you believe your best & worst feelings come from whether or not you get love from others?

Where do you believe your best and worst feelings come from regarding love and relationships? Relationship experts say most people have some major misconceptions about this.

What the Ego Wounded Self Believes

More from YourTango: The Goals of Controlling Behavior In Relationships

The wounded self believes that:

My sense of worth comes from others liking me and loving me.
My sense of safety comes from others taking care of me.
My good feelings come from someone loving me, approving of me and/or having sex with me.
My good feelings come from having control over how others feel about me.
My hurt comes from others disapproving of me and not liking or loving me.
My fear and feelings of abandonment come from others disapproving of me or leaving me.

The wounded self believes that our best feelings come from others loving us and our worst feelings come from others rejecting us.

What the Loving Adult Knows

The loving Adult knows that my best feelings come from:

Taking 100% responsibility for my own feelings
Being connected with Spirit and bringing love to my inner child
Taking loving action in my own behalf
Giving love to myself and others rather than trying to get love

The loving Adult knows that being loving to ourselves and others is what fills us up, and that trying to have control over getting love and avoiding pain leaves us feeling empty inside.

The loving Adult knows that my worst feelings come from abandoning myself through:

More from YourTango: Soul Connections

Judging myself and lying to myself
Ignoring my feelings
Turning to addictions rather than taking responsibility for my feelings
Making other responsible for my feelings of worth, safety, and lovability

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

Want more advice? Find an expert near you!

Article contributed by

View profile

Advanced Member

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Los Angeles, CA

Credentials: PhD

Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression

Website: http://www.innerbonding.com/

Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

The Goals of Controlling Behavior In Relationships

By Dr. Margaret Paul

All of us are controlling in one way or another, yet many of us are not aware of what it is we are trying to control in our relationships. I've found that there are two major areas in which we may try to control others: • Behaviors • Feelings Sometimes we try to control what people do, and other times we may try to control how they ... Read more

Soul Connections

By Dr. Margaret Paul

I'm sure that all of us feel more connected with some people than with others. Sometimes, we feel an instant connection with someone we just met. How can we account for this? Psychologist Michael Newton, author of Journey of Souls and Destiny of Souls, has conducted thousands of hypnosis sessions with individuals who, during the hypnosis sessions, ... Read more

Are You Always Trying to Prove Your Love?

By Dr. Margaret Paul

Melanie grew up with a narcissistic mother who demanded that Melanie conform to her concept of how a child should behave. To protect herself from her mother's anger, blame and disapproval, Melanie tried to be the "perfect child". She got excellent grades in school, was obedient at home, and never did anything to cause her parents to worry about ... Read more