Every interaction we have with others is a reflection of our beliefs about ourselves, and we have the opportunity to learn from each difficult interaction. For example, if we believe we are inadequate, unlovable, not enough or unimportant, we will tend to take personally others' cold or judgmental behavior toward us. We may feel rejected and alone, and respond with anger, resentment, hurt or withdrawal. Our painful feelings and reactive behavior can alert us to the fact that we need to explore our limiting beliefs about ourselves. If you know you are a caring and compassionate person, and your definition of your self-worth is based on who you are rather than on what you do, how you perform or how you look, then you will be much less likely to take other's cold or judgmental behavior personally. You might respond with understanding, compassion or with gently removing yourself from the situation, but you would not feel hurt by other's behavior, nor would you get angry, resentful or withdrawn.
All our relationships and our reactions to them provide fertile ground for our personal and spiritual growth. If you are willing to notice all painful interactions and feelings — even regarding people with whom you are not involved, such as the person who cut you off on the freeway or the clerk at the market who was rude — you can learn much about your false beliefs about yourself and about what you can and cannot control. Your feelings such as anger at the person who cut you off on the freeway or resentment toward the rude clerk are red flags that let you know it's time to do an Inner Bonding process and explore the beliefs that are causing your difficult feelings. When you recognize that your feelings are coming from your own beliefs rather than from the other's behavior, you are on the road to taking personal responsibility and attaining the personal power that comes with that.
To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free!