How often do you ignore your feeling experience of someone, instead of allowing your surface experience to govern your choices? It is only your feelings that are capable of discerning a person's energy. If you feel a kind of inner uneasiness, pay attention to it. It might be telling you to be cautious. Even if a person appears on the surface to be open and friendly, the deeper intent is always betrayed by the energy. If the deeper intent in being open and friendly is to control, you can feel it in your body if you tune in. However, if your intent is to control, you may not be able to accurately discern another's energy because your ability to discern is affected by your own intent. When your intent is to learn about what is loving to yourself, then you can tune into your inner experience and discern another's intent.
Energy is everything. How people look, what they say, or how they behave does not really tell you anything. It is the energy behind their behavior and words that really matter. A person can say, with the softest voice, "I love you," and the energy behind these words can be totally different, depending upon the intent. If the person's intent in saying "I love you" is to get something -approval, sex, money, time, attention, and so on - the energy will not feel good inside you. You might feel pulled on or even drained by the expression of love. If the person's intent is to share love with no agenda in mind, it will feel very good inside you. Your job, if you want to be loving to yourself, is to stay open to learning about another's intent. You will feel safe when you become discerning, willing to know the truth about another's intent and resulting energy.
More from YourTango: Relationships: When to Talk, When to Act
To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free! ! Discover SelfQuest®, a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution computer program. Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.
More from YourTango: Stop Escalating Conflict!