If You Are Thinking of Getting A Divorce, Think Again!

By Dr. Margaret Paul. Posted on Jan 8th 2012.

Before leaving your marriage, heal your end of your relationship system and see what happens!

Getting a divorce without healing your end of the codependent relationship system is a waste of time. You learn nothing by leaving, and you will continue the same dysfunctional reactive behavior in your next relationship. Even if it is okay to end up alone, you will not have learned how to take responsibility for your own feelings. Without learning this, you will likely be no happier alone than you were in the marriage.

What does it mean to take responsibility for your feelings? It means that when you are feeling angry, resistant, depressed, anxious, guilty, shamed or jealous, you go inside and explore what YOU are telling yourself or doing that is causing you to feel these feelings. It means when you feel lonely or heartbroken as a result of what is happening between you and your partner, you treat yourself with caring and compassion, rather than be reactive. It means that you stop being a victim of your spouse and learn to treat yourself with love and kindness.

More from YourTango: The Goals of Controlling Behavior In Relationships

If you learn to take responsibility for your own feelings and make yourself joyful and peaceful, there is a good possibility that your marriage will heal. You might want to learn the Inner Bonding® process – which will be a huge help to you in healing your relationship.

To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week eCourse, “The Intimate Relationship Toolbox” – the first two weeks are free!

More from YourTango: Soul Connections

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Dr. Margaret Paul

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Los Angeles, CA

Credentials: PhD

Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression

Website: http://www.innerbonding.com/

Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

The Goals of Controlling Behavior In Relationships

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All of us are controlling in one way or another, yet many of us are not aware of what it is we are trying to control in our relationships. I've found that there are two major areas in which we may try to control others: • Behaviors • Feelings Sometimes we try to control what people do, and other times we may try to control how they ... Read more

Soul Connections

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I'm sure that all of us feel more connected with some people than with others. Sometimes, we feel an instant connection with someone we just met. How can we account for this? Psychologist Michael Newton, author of Journey of Souls and Destiny of Souls, has conducted thousands of hypnosis sessions with individuals who, during the hypnosis sessions, ... Read more

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Melanie grew up with a narcissistic mother who demanded that Melanie conform to her concept of how a child should behave. To protect herself from her mother's anger, blame and disapproval, Melanie tried to be the "perfect child". She got excellent grades in school, was obedient at home, and never did anything to cause her parents to worry about ... Read more