To Receive Love, First Love And Heal Yourself


Accept And Heal Your Past For Love
Does receiving love seem impossible? There's hope in healing.

Opening our hearts can lead to hurt. We can be hurt by others' unloving behavior toward us, or by losing someone we care for. The only way we can fully risk loving with an open heart is to know that we can manage the pain of heartbreak.

It is not that you can't receive love, but that you won't. You are choosing to protect yourself against pain rather than choosing to love yourself and share your love with others. Granted, it takes a lot of courage to be willing to risk heartbreak! But the point here is to be honest with yourself. You do not have to remain a victim of your childhood. You have experienced a lot of heartbreak, but now, if you want to be able to give and receive love, you need to be willing to compassionately accept that heartbreak and learn to manage it, rather than continue to avoid it.

It takes courage to open yourself to core painful feelings of loneliness, heartbreak, grief and helplessness from your childhood with the utmost compassion, kindness, tenderness, gentleness and understanding. Then the little child in you will feel seen and valued. In childhood, you shut yourself off from these old, deeply painful feelings because you were too young to manage them. Once you learn that now, as an adult, you can work through painful feelings, you will be able to open yourself to love, even though that involves the risk of being hurt.

To fully give and receive love, you need to know that you can manage the heartbreak of loss — that you have a strong connection with your spiritual guidance, who will be here to comfort you through loss. You need to know that you are a strong, loving adult self who takes responsibility for all of your feelings.

I assure you that when you practice Inner Bonding and learn to do this for yourself, you will be able to give and receive love; the greatest experience life has to offer us.

To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free! ! Discover SelfQuest®, a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution computer program. Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.

Connect with Margaret on Facebook: Inner Bonding, and Facebook: SelfQuest.

This article was originally published at Inner Bonding . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul


Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

If You're Always Getting Overlooked, You May Be To Blame


It feels terrible to be constantly overlooked. This is the situation that Melanie is struggling with: "Even when I think I am fitting in to a group and talking to everybody okay, I always seem to be overlooked when it comes to invitations etc. and then I feel completely invisible, as if they either don't remember that I exist or they are ... Read more

Do You Remember What You Say When You Are Enraged?


"Rage can…shut off the hippocampus [linked to memory], and people with out-of-control anger may not be lying when they say they don't recall what they said or did in that altered state of mind." Mindsight, P.155 Daniel Siegel, M.D. Have you had the experience of someone being enraged at you, and then when you try to talk about it after ... Read more

You Have To Love Yourself Before You Can Love Another


Antonio consulted with me because of problems he was having in his marriage. He was very distressed that his wife, Cynthia, never wanted to have sex with him. In the course of our work, it became apparent that Antonio was very judgmental of himself. Throughout a day he was constantly telling himself how inadequate he was. "You certainly messed that ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular