Open your heart and do some deep thinking.
Think about a couple you might know. Maybe you are this couple. They've been married for 8 years and have two children. They both work and they have a nanny to help with the children.
Let's say the wife recently received a promotion in her company and is now a high-powered executive with a lot of responsibility and some travel. The husband has his own business so his time is more flexible. He's proud of his wife but he is not happy about how much she's gone.
She loves her work and is thrilled about her new promotion. However, she is feeling pulled on and stressed by her husband's demands on her time.
How would they go about resolving this conflict?
First, one or the other asks for a time to explore the conflict.
They set aside some time and each would approach the exploration with the intent to learn about themselves and each other. They would each have the intention of supporting their own highest good and the highest good of each other.
They are open, curious and eager to learn about what this conflict has to teach them.
Each of them would share their own experience and feelings.
While one is talking, the other listens with a deep desire to understand the other's feelings and point of view.
The husband opens up to understanding how much this job means to his wife, how much satisfaction and joy she gets from being able to fully use her talents.
The wife would open to understanding how lonely he feels when she's gone so much. Then they would go deeper, exploring her need for approval in her job and the her husband's dependency on her for his good feelings. They would discuss his difficulty in making friends.
Through the exploration process, he learns that one of the reasons she works so much is that it is a way for her to get away from his neediness.
He had never realized the degree to which his wife felt weighed down by his need for her to fill him up.
The wife admits that not only was she using the job as a source of satisfaction, but also she was using it as an excuse to not feel so responsible for her husband.
She told him that she actually didn't need to work such long hours, but that she enjoyed her work more than she enjoyed being with him. She explored her fear in being honest with her partner - her fear that if she told him the truth, he would leave and find another woman to fill him up. She loved him and didn't want their marriage to end, but she was worried that her husband would not step up to the plate regarding taking full responsibility for his own feelings and needs.
The husband had not realized the degree to which he was dependent upon his wife - the degree to which he was abandoning himself. Instead of getting angry or retreating, he decided to get some inner bonding facilitation regarding his dependency on his marriage. He realized that his wife was right, because he recently felt himself being attracted to other women.
He saw that he was using female attention because he was not giving himself the attention that he needed.
As the husband worked with his inner bonding facilitator, he saw many ways in which he was not taking care of himself and had been expecting his wife to do it for him.
As he gradually moved out of a victim place and into his personal power, his wife found him to be much more attractive. She felt herself desiring more time with him and found ways to cut down on her travel and hours at work.
She also decided to get some inner bonding facilitation regarding her need for outside approval.
Conflict resolution is not just about solving a problem. It is about using the problem to learn about and heal the deeper issues that are the underlying cause of the conflict.
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This article was originally published at www.innerbonding.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.