How To Have A Great Valentine’s Day With Your Partner!
By Dr. Margaret Paul. Posted on .
Jamie and Kurt are a sweet, successful couple in their early thirties. In spite of loving each other deeply, they often find themselves in conflict over seemingly minor issues, as most couples do. Recently, just one week before Valentine's Day, they had a particularly hurtful argument. Jamie had expressed her unhappiness about Kurt's busy schedule and the limited time he finds to spend with her. As usual, Kurt promised to try harder and they got through it. But having not dealt with the real issues at hand, the problem was bound to resurface. Jamie unknowingly began planting the seeds for their next argument when she decided to bring up the subject of Valentine's Day.
"Kurt, I just wanted to remind you that next week is Valentine's Day and it's really important that we plan something special for us."
More from YourTango: The Goals of Controlling Behavior In Relationships
Kurt took a deep breath and responded, "Jamie, you know I don t really do things like that. I'm not into it."
"Oh come on Kurt. It's really important to me." Nearly pleading, Jamie continued. "When you really love someone, you try to do what is important to them, right? I made the plans last year and now it's your turn. Why don't you surprise me with something really romantic! Okay?"
Silent and distant, Kurt gave a slight nod, which was the assurance Jamie was looking for.
Kurt had agreed to be home by six o clock on Valentine’s Day. By twenty past six, Jamie was anxious. With each glance at the clock, her pacing quickened. At last, Kurt walked through the door looking tense and clutching a bouquet of red roses. Jamie took the roses with a wary smile. Without even so much as a glance, Kurt turned around, got a beer out of the fridge, and sank into the couch, grabbing the remote control. Jamie watched intently, feeling her blood turn to ice.
"That's it?" she asked.
"That's what?"
"That's it? It's Valentine's Day!" Jamie's tone grew sharp. "You said you would plan something special and romantic and this is it?" She shook the roses at him in her clenched fist.
"I never said I would do anything," Kurt retorted. "I told you it wasn't my thing."
"Don t lie to me! You nodded yes!"
"No, I didn't. I didn't agree to anything. You always want me to prove that I love you. I hate that! Even if I did want to do something for Valentine's Day, I certainly wouldn't want to after you tell me you expect it!” Sullenly, Kurt turned back to the TV. “You take all the fun out of everything.”
Jamie dissolved into tears. "Well, if you knew how to show me you loved me, I wouldn't have to say anything." Without a word, Kurt turned off the TV and left the house.
More from YourTango: Soul Connections
Once again, Jamie and Kurt were both feeling unheard and unappreciated, with both blaming each other for their hurt feelings.
