The Goals of Controlling Behavior In Relationships

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 The Goals of Controlling Behavior In Relationships
Do you try to control how your partner behaves or how your partner feels about you?

Relationship problems can seem to be quite tangled and hopeless when the intent is to control each others' behavior or feelings, while resisting being controlled. Yet the moment loving oneself and one's partner becomes more important than controlling and resisting control, the relationship problems can magically dissolve.

It took me a long time to recognize my own controlling behavior, because I've never been controlling of what people do. I've always given my family and friends great latitude to be themselves and do whatever they want regarding what makes them happy. Eventually I realized that my control was always around how people feel and respond. I wanted people to be open, caring and compassionate with me so that I would not have to feel lonely with them.

It was a huge awakening for me when I realized how many controlling things I did to try to get others to be loving with me. Accepting my lack of control over how others choose to treat me has been extremely freeing. Now, if someone is unloving to me, I no longer act nice or compliant in an effort to get them to be loving. Now I just go to my higher power and find out what it means to take care of myself in the face of their unloving behavior, accepting that I have no control over how another chooses to be. Accepting that I can't control others' feelings or behavior has freed me to take loving care of myself.

To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free! ! Discover SelfQuest®, a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution computer program. Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.


Connect with Margaret on Facebook: Inner Bonding, and Facebook: SelfQuest.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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Dr. Margaret Paul

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
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