Giving To Others: Draining Or Fulfilling?

By Dr. Margaret Paul. Posted on Dec 8th 2012.

Do you get drained or fulfilled in giving to others? Discover what make the difference.

Are you giving to get attention, approval, validation, time or sex?

When this is the case, you are giving to get, rather than giving from a full heart. Others may feel pulled at and manipulated by your giving, and may pull back. Your giving may feel controlling and invasive and they may withdraw and go into resistance, not wanting to connect with you. You might end up feeling resentful and drained in your giving.

Have you been taught that you are a good person only when you are sacrificing yourself – giving yourself up to giving to others? Are you giving out of fear, obligation or guilt?

You may be giving to get others to see you as a good person, rather than giving from a full heart, where you have already defined yourself as a good person. When you do this, you have abandoned your responsibility to define you own goodness and worth, and you are making others responsible for your definition of your sense of worth. This kind of giving will never lead to fulfillment.

More from YourTango: The Goals of Controlling Behavior In Relationships

When you learn how to take full responsibility for your own feelings of worth, peace and joy, then giving to others who can benefit from your giving will be one of the most joyful of life’s experiences.

To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free! Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.

More from YourTango: Soul Connections

Connect with Margaret on Facebook: Inner Bonding, and Facebook: SelfQuest.

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Dr. Margaret Paul

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Los Angeles, CA

Credentials: PhD

Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression

Website: http://www.innerbonding.com/

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