Giving To Others: Draining Or Fulfilling?

By

Giving To Others: Draining Or Fulfilling?
Do you get drained or fulfilled in giving to others? Discover what make the difference.

Giving to others can be one of the most fulfilling experiences in life, or it can be one of the most draining. What makes the difference?

The difference has to do with WHY you are giving to others.

 

Giving From A Full Heart

When we give from a full heart, we are giving because we are so filled up with love that it is overflowing, and we receive great joy in giving to others.

We are not giving to get anything back because we don’t need anything back. We don’t need anything back because we have taken 100% responsibility for loving ourselves — for thinking the loving thoughts and taking the loving actions that make us feel worthy, lovable, peaceful and joyful within.

When I am giving from a full heart I don’t need others to give me approval for giving. The giving is its own reward, as long as I am certain that my giving is loving to myself and others. My fulfillment is not dependent upon others’ approval, but on how I feel about myself. I am receiving fulfillment from being the kind of person I value.

When I am taking loving care of myself, I’m not available to being used or drained by others. If I feel that others are latching on to me like a vampire and trying to suck the life out of me, then I lovingly disengage, as it is my responsibility to be loving to myself — and it is not loving to myself to allow myself to be used and drained. It is loving to me to fulfill myself through giving to others, as long as this feels good inside. If it doesn’t feel good, then it isn’t loving — either to me or to others. Giving to others who just want to take is enabling them to continue to avoid responsibility for themselves. It is not loving to me or them to support them in being needy victims.

It is loving to me to give to others who utilize what I give them to heal, learn and grow. It is incredibly fulfilling to help others who genuinely want to help themselves, but it is draining to give to others who have no intention of helping themselves. If you are giving from a full heart but you feel drained in the giving, this is telling you that you are enabling someone rather than being loving to yourself and to them.

Giving From An Empty Heart

When you are not taking responsibility for your own self-worth, inner peace and joy, then there is likely an emptiness within you. When you give from an empty place, you may feel drained rather than fulfilled in the giving.

You might want to see if you identify with either of these reasons for giving to others:

This article was originally published at Inner Bonding . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? To begin to learn Inner Bonding, take our FREE Inner Bonding course. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

I Love Him, But He Doesn't Turn Me On

By

Erin married Dylan because he was the first man who expressed his love for her and was really nice to her. She was not sexually turned on be him, but she figured that this would come in time. Now, 15 years later, sex is a huge problem in their relationship. Erin sought me for counseling due to this issue. "I love Dylan. He is my best friend. I ... Read more

You Can't Control Others (Bummer), But You CAN Influence Them!

By

"Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing." - Albert Schweitzer You might not want to know this truth, but we have no control over others' intent, choices and how they feel about us. However, while we have no control, we can influence others. Our loving and our unloving behavior can have a huge influence on ... Read more

Do You See People For How They Are, Or How You Want Them To Be?

By

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." —Anais Nin A variation on the above quote might be, "We don't see people as they are — we see them as we want them to be." I see this over and over with my clients. For example, Jason met a beautiful woman and became infatuated with her. "Pamela is ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular