Garden Variety Narcissism
By Dr. Margaret Paul. Posted on .
The narcissistic wounded self does not think about what might be going on with the other person. When you are operating from this aspect of the wounded self, it does not even occur to you to have compassion for the other person. You are focused on what you want, what you need, and how you feel - not from your loving adult self who would be taking responsibility for your feelings and needs, but from the wounded self who is only concerned with the other person meeting your needs and caring about your feelings.
The narcissistic wounded self believes that others should give themselves up for you, that others should think more about your feelings than about their own. The narcissistic 'taker' aspect of the wounded self believes that "you are responsible for my feelings, needs, safety and security." If you are a caretaker in a relationship with a taker, you might believe that, "I am responsible for your feelings, needs, safety and security, and when I do it right, then you will meet my needs for love, safety and security." The caretaker is overly concerned about others but lacks caring for self, and is therefore a covert narcissist, while the taker lacks concern for the other and is overtly narcissistic.
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If you hear yourself saying things like, "What about me?" or "You think it's okay to just do whatever you want. What about what I want?" or "I just want to tell you my feelings. I'm really annoyed with you," or "I don't feel like I'm important to you," you might want to do some Inner Bonding work regarding how you are not taking responsibility for your own feelings and needs. You are likely in your narcissistic wounded self, making another person responsible for you feeling loved, worthy, important or safe.
To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free!
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