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Feelings as Control, Feelings as Responsibility

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Feelings as Control, Feelings as Responsibility
Discover the difference between sharing feelings as a form of control or taking responsibility.

"It seems that changing plans the last minute is something that you often do. I don't like it, so I'm going to stop making plans ahead of time with you. I really enjoy being with you and I am willing to make spontaneous plans at the last minute, but not future plans. If you still want to get together next Friday evening, give me a call late on Friday and if I don't have other plans, then I'd love to get together."

Instead of trying to change her and make her responsible for his feelings, he is taking care of his own feelings and letting her know what he will and will not do.

More from YourTango: Relationships: When to Talk, When to Act

The sharing of feelings can lead to emotional intimacy, such as in the following example:

"I felt hurt and angry the other night by a statement you made, and I did an Inner Bonding process around it. I learned so much from it about myself and about why I get hurt by that kind of statement. I learned about how often I judge myself as bad or wrong. I think I've been doing this most of my life, and it's such a relief to discover this! I'm really grateful for this new learning."

Your intent determines whether the sharing of feelings leads to intimacy or to conflict.

To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free! ! Discover SelfQuest®, a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution computer program. Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.

More from YourTango: Stop Escalating Conflict!

Connect with Margaret on Facebook: Inner Bonding, and Facebook: SelfQuest.

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Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

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