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Fear Of Anger — Yours And Others

Love, Heartbreak

Break free from your fear TODAY.

Are you terrified of others' anger? Are you afraid to open to your own anger for fear of getting out of control? If you grew up in an angry or violent home, there's a good possibility that you have a fear of both your own anger and others' anger.

Fear of Others' Anger

I grew up with a very angry mother and I was terrified when she got mad. It was irrational and came out of nowhere. My whole body used to shake when she got angry.

For years as an adult, I continued to be terrified of anger, as I had no idea how to take care of myself in the face of another's anger. When you don't know how to respond to another's anger, your fight, flight or freeze response gets activated and for me it was freeze. I would become so frozen that I was unable to say much at all.

When I could talk again, I would try to explain, defend or scurry around trying to please. Now I'm no longer afraid of others' anger.

I still shake inside when I'm around irrational anger, and now I know the shaking is my inner guidance letting me know that danger is occurring, and I listen carefully to what my inner guidance is telling me.

I'm not afraid because I know what to do. I know that I no longer have to stand there and take it like I did as a little girl. I know that I can either move into an intent to learn about why the other is angry or I can lovingly disengage.

If I think the person might open with me, I gently say, "I hear that you're angry and I'd like to understand why you are, but it will be much easier for me to hear you if you stop attacking me."

If I'm pretty sure that the person won't open, then I say something like, "This feels hurtful so I'm going to take a walk. Let me know when you're ready to talk without blaming me."

The fact that I can now do one of these two things takes away my fear. My inner child knows that I, as a loving adult, am going to take care of the situation so that she isn't hurt by it as she was as a child.

Fear of Your Anger

Many people who grew up with violence don't want to be anything like their angry parent or caregiver. They're afraid that if they get angry, they'll become irrational and hurtful like some of the adults were when they were growing up.

If you have this fear, it's important for you to understand the difference between anger intent on controlling — which comes from an out of control wounded person is very scary and anger intent on learning. When your intent is to learn from your anger rather than dump it on someone else in the form of attack and blame, embrace your angry feelings as information.

Your angry feelings are telling you that there is some way you're not taking care of yourself. Some way you're abandoning yourself. When you consistently move into learning from your anger rather than act it out on others, you lose your fear of your anger. All of our emotions are informational, anger is no different.

When you open to learning from your own anger and learning with another who's angry or you lovingly disengage, you'll heal your fear of anger.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."

This article was originally published at Reprinted with permission from the author.


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