Abuse has many faces — verbal, physical, sexual and emotional. Abusers are often experts at appearing open to learning and changing, which is part of their covert abuse. It is vitally important for people at the other end of abuse to give up expecting an abuser to change. Even attending therapy, as Sharon's husband did with her, is not an indication that they are willing to change. Often, attending therapy is just another form of manipulation to get you to stay in the abusive relationship — and another way to point the finger at you as being the cause of the problems.
If someone says they are going to change but no change actually occurs, then you need to accept that the appearance of openness is a form of crazymaking — a form of abuse. You need to accept that there is nothing you can do to get them to change. You either need to accept the situation as it is, or leave it. Expecting change and trying to bring about change will only cause you more pain.
To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox"– the first two weeks are free! ! Discover SelfQuest®, a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution computer program. Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.
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