Does Your Compassion Disappear When Someone's Angry?

By

Does Your Compassion Disappear When Someone's Angry?
Learning to respond to a anger or blame in ways that promote caring is vital to relationship health.

"I think that I learned as a kid to try to take care of others' feelings. I became a caretaker at such a young age, trying to make everyone feel okay so that I could feel okay. I always felt my parents' pain and I always wanted to fix it. So I think that I learned to ignore my own feelings and just try to fix theirs."

"Yes, most children learn to ignore their own feelings because they don't know how to handle them. Children learn various ways of trying to get others to take care of their feelings, and these controlling behaviors follow them into their adult relationships. Jeff uses anger and judgment to try to get you to take care of his feelings and you use defending, explaining and caretaking to get him to take care of yours. Things might change between you if you started taking care of yourself by moving into compassion for your own feelings."

 

"Okay, this feels good. I'm going to practice moving into compassion for my own feelings first, and then try to listen to him."

Renee reported the next week that things between her and Jeff were better than they had been in a long time!

To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free! ! Discover SelfQuest®, a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution computer program. Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.

Connect with Margaret on Facebook: Inner Bonding, and Facebook: SelfQuest.

This article was originally published at Inner Bonding . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? To begin to learn Inner Bonding, take our FREE Inner Bonding course. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

I Love Him, But He Doesn't Turn Me On

By

Erin married Dylan because he was the first man who expressed his love for her and was really nice to her. She was not sexually turned on be him, but she figured that this would come in time. Now, 15 years later, sex is a huge problem in their relationship. Erin sought me for counseling due to this issue. "I love Dylan. He is my best friend. I ... Read more

You Can't Control Others (Bummer), But You CAN Influence Them!

By

"Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing." - Albert Schweitzer You might not want to know this truth, but we have no control over others' intent, choices and how they feel about us. However, while we have no control, we can influence others. Our loving and our unloving behavior can have a huge influence on ... Read more

Do You See People For How They Are, Or How You Want Them To Be?

By

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." —Anais Nin A variation on the above quote might be, "We don't see people as they are — we see them as we want them to be." I see this over and over with my clients. For example, Jason met a beautiful woman and became infatuated with her. "Pamela is ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular