Does Your Compassion Disappear When Someone's Angry?

By

Does Your Compassion Disappear When Someone's Angry?
Learning to respond to a anger or blame in ways that promote caring is vital to relationship health.

"I think that I learned as a kid to try to take care of others' feelings. I became a caretaker at such a young age, trying to make everyone feel okay so that I could feel okay. I always felt my parents' pain and I always wanted to fix it. So I think that I learned to ignore my own feelings and just try to fix theirs."

"Yes, most children learn to ignore their own feelings because they don't know how to handle them. Children learn various ways of trying to get others to take care of their feelings, and these controlling behaviors follow them into their adult relationships. Jeff uses anger and judgment to try to get you to take care of his feelings and you use defending, explaining and caretaking to get him to take care of yours. Things might change between you if you started taking care of yourself by moving into compassion for your own feelings."

"Okay, this feels good. I'm going to practice moving into compassion for my own feelings first, and then try to listen to him."

Renee reported the next week that things between her and Jeff were better than they had been in a long time!

To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free! ! Discover SelfQuest®, a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution computer program. Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.

Connect with Margaret on Facebook: Inner Bonding, and Facebook: SelfQuest.

This article was originally published at Inner Bonding . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

If You're Always Getting Overlooked, You May Be To Blame

By

It feels terrible to be constantly overlooked. This is the situation that Melanie is struggling with: "Even when I think I am fitting in to a group and talking to everybody okay, I always seem to be overlooked when it comes to invitations etc. and then I feel completely invisible, as if they either don't remember that I exist or they are ... Read more

Do You Remember What You Say When You Are Enraged?

By

"Rage can…shut off the hippocampus [linked to memory], and people with out-of-control anger may not be lying when they say they don't recall what they said or did in that altered state of mind." Mindsight, P.155 Daniel Siegel, M.D. Have you had the experience of someone being enraged at you, and then when you try to talk about it after ... Read more

You Have To Love Yourself Before You Can Love Another

By

Antonio consulted with me because of problems he was having in his marriage. He was very distressed that his wife, Cynthia, never wanted to have sex with him. In the course of our work, it became apparent that Antonio was very judgmental of himself. Throughout a day he was constantly telling himself how inadequate he was. "You certainly messed that ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular