"I think that I learned as a kid to try to take care of others' feelings. I became a caretaker at such a young age, trying to make everyone feel okay so that I could feel okay. I always felt my parents' pain and I always wanted to fix it. So I think that I learned to ignore my own feelings and just try to fix theirs."
"Yes, most children learn to ignore their own feelings because they don't know how to handle them. Children learn various ways of trying to get others to take care of their feelings, and these controlling behaviors follow them into their adult relationships. Jeff uses anger and judgment to try to get you to take care of his feelings and you use defending, explaining and caretaking to get him to take care of yours. Things might change between you if you started taking care of yourself by moving into compassion for your own feelings."
"Okay, this feels good. I'm going to practice moving into compassion for my own feelings first, and then try to listen to him."
Renee reported the next week that things between her and Jeff were better than they had been in a long time!
To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free! ! Discover SelfQuest®, a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution computer program. Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.