ProConnect

Do You Want To Connect With Your Partner?

By

Do You Want To Connect With Your Partner?
Discover what you might be doing that leads to disconnection with your partner.

Most people want to be connected with someone special in their lives. But if people really want this, why do so many complain of feeling lonely and disconnected from their partner? What needs to happen for them to connect?

Disconnection Happens When…

  • One or both people are focused on controlling and not being controlled, and are protecting against being hurt/rejected/controlled with anger, blame, withdrawal, resistance, compliance, work, alcohol, drugs, TV, food, daydreaming, ruminating, over-talking, people-pleasing and so on.
     
  • One or both are coming to the other disconnected from themselves — empty and needy, looking for approval, attention, validation and/or sex. Both are abandoning themselves rather than loving themselves.
     
  • One or both come to the other to complain and be a victim.
     
  • One or both people are more intent on being right, or not being wrong, than in being loving.
     
  • One or both partners are more interested in punishing than connecting.
     
  • One or both are trying to get love rather than be loving.
     
  • Each is waiting for the other to initiate time together.
     
  • One or both are afraid to reach out with physical affection.
     
  • One or both withhold expressions of caring and support.
     
  • One or both won't risk speaking their truth to the other.
     
  • One or both people are willing to lose themselves rather than risk losing the other.
     
  • Neither partner has done the inner work to cherish their own core Self, and therefore cannot see their partner's core Self. They are relating from their wounded self to their partner's wounded self.
     
  • Neither person has done the inner work necessary to not take the others' behavior personally.
     
  • One or both partners are not compassionate toward themselves, nor empathetic and compassionate toward each other.
     
  • One or both doesn't listen to the other.

 

More from YourTango: How Far Am I In The Narcissism World?

Connection Happens When...

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

How Far Am I In The Narcissism World?

By

All of us have some characteristics and behaviors that fall into the category of narcissism. Narcissism is on a continuum from mild, occasional, and subtle to the more ubiquitous, obvious or extreme behaviors of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Since narcissism is likely a part of everyone's ego wounded self, it is helpful to your personal growth and ... Read more

Using Your Inner Strengths To Become More Intimate

By

"Intimacy begins with oneself. It does no good to try to find intimacy with friends, lovers, and family if you are starting out from alienation and division within yourself." -Thomas Moore Do you try to create intimacy with your partner without first checking inside to see if you are connected with yourself? Do you believe that if you found ... Read more

Relationships: When to Talk, When to Act

By

In my work with couples, I am often asked, "Shouldn't I communicate with my partner about this? Shouldn't we talk this over?" For example, Ginger noticed that when her husband, Ron, became demanding sexually or started to complain about not having enough sex, she would become defensive and try to talk him out of his feelings by explaining ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

"Love is the bridge between you and everything" Rumi

Love is all around us, if we allow yourselves to see it.

deep breath

Should I stay or Should i go? 5 Ways To Make The Best Decision

Are you confused about staying or going in a relationship? Read on...

shame

How to Get Over Your Stinkin' Thinkin'

Recognize "Stinkin Thinkin" that leads to depression and turn it into positive action and success.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS