Do You Want To Connect With Your Partner?

By

Do You Want To Connect With Your Partner?
Discover what you might be doing that leads to disconnection with your partner.

Most people want to be connected with someone special in their lives. But if people really want this, why do so many complain of feeling lonely and disconnected from their partner? What needs to happen for them to connect?

Disconnection Happens When…

 

  • One or both people are focused on controlling and not being controlled, and are protecting against being hurt/rejected/controlled with anger, blame, withdrawal, resistance, compliance, work, alcohol, drugs, TV, food, daydreaming, ruminating, over-talking, people-pleasing and so on.
     
  • One or both are coming to the other disconnected from themselves — empty and needy, looking for approval, attention, validation and/or sex. Both are abandoning themselves rather than loving themselves.
     
  • One or both come to the other to complain and be a victim.
     
  • One or both people are more intent on being right, or not being wrong, than in being loving.
     
  • One or both partners are more interested in punishing than connecting.
     
  • One or both are trying to get love rather than be loving.
     
  • Each is waiting for the other to initiate time together.
     
  • One or both are afraid to reach out with physical affection.
     
  • One or both withhold expressions of caring and support.
     
  • One or both won't risk speaking their truth to the other.
     
  • One or both people are willing to lose themselves rather than risk losing the other.
     
  • Neither partner has done the inner work to cherish their own core Self, and therefore cannot see their partner's core Self. They are relating from their wounded self to their partner's wounded self.
     
  • Neither person has done the inner work necessary to not take the others' behavior personally.
     
  • One or both partners are not compassionate toward themselves, nor empathetic and compassionate toward each other.
     
  • One or both doesn't listen to the other.

 

Connection Happens When...

This article was originally published at Inner Bonding . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? To begin to learn Inner Bonding, take our FREE Inner Bonding course. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

I Love Him, But He Doesn't Turn Me On

By

Erin married Dylan because he was the first man who expressed his love for her and was really nice to her. She was not sexually turned on be him, but she figured that this would come in time. Now, 15 years later, sex is a huge problem in their relationship. Erin sought me for counseling due to this issue. "I love Dylan. He is my best friend. I ... Read more

You Can't Control Others, But You Can Influence Them!

By

"Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing." - Albert Schweitzer You might not want to know this truth, but we have no control over others' intent, choices and how they feel about us. However, while we have no control, we can influence others. Our loving and our unloving behavior can have a huge influence on ... Read more

Do You See People For How They Are, Or How You Want Them To Be?

By

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." —Anais Nin A variation on the above quote might be, "We don't see people as they are — we see them as we want them to be." I see this over and over with my clients. For example, Jason met a beautiful woman and became infatuated with her. "Pamela is ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular