Do You Want To Connect With Your Partner?

By

Do You Want To Connect With Your Partner?
Discover what you might be doing that leads to disconnection with your partner.

Most people want to be connected with someone special in their lives. But if people really want this, why do so many complain of feeling lonely and disconnected from their partner? What needs to happen for them to connect?

Disconnection Happens When…

 

  • One or both people are focused on controlling and not being controlled, and are protecting against being hurt/rejected/controlled with anger, blame, withdrawal, resistance, compliance, work, alcohol, drugs, TV, food, daydreaming, ruminating, over-talking, people-pleasing and so on.
     
  • One or both are coming to the other disconnected from themselves — empty and needy, looking for approval, attention, validation and/or sex. Both are abandoning themselves rather than loving themselves.
     
  • One or both come to the other to complain and be a victim.
     
  • One or both people are more intent on being right, or not being wrong, than in being loving.
     
  • One or both partners are more interested in punishing than connecting.
     
  • One or both are trying to get love rather than be loving.
     
  • Each is waiting for the other to initiate time together.
     
  • One or both are afraid to reach out with physical affection.
     
  • One or both withhold expressions of caring and support.
     
  • One or both won't risk speaking their truth to the other.
     
  • One or both people are willing to lose themselves rather than risk losing the other.
     
  • Neither partner has done the inner work to cherish their own core Self, and therefore cannot see their partner's core Self. They are relating from their wounded self to their partner's wounded self.
     
  • Neither person has done the inner work necessary to not take the others' behavior personally.
     
  • One or both partners are not compassionate toward themselves, nor empathetic and compassionate toward each other.
     
  • One or both doesn't listen to the other.

 

Connection Happens When...

This article was originally published at Inner Bonding . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

Emotional Intimacy

By

Experiencing emotional intimacy with others is one of the most satisfying experiences of life. Emotional intimacy, or a sense of deep connection with another person or a group of people, occurs when each person is completely open hearted and devoted to taking 100% responsibility for their own feelings and needs. It occurs when each person is deeply connected ... Read more

Are You Confused About Boundaries in Relationships?

By

Marilee told me in one of our early phone sessions: "I set a boundary. I told him that he couldn't speak to me that way any more." Jackson said to me in one of our early Skype sessions: "I earn the money. My girlfriend doesn't work, but loves to spend the money I earn. So I set a boundary. I told her that she had to stop spending so ... Read more

Fighting? THIS Is How To Resolve Any Relationship Conflict

By

In a phone session I had with Shelly and Stan (a couple who have been together for six years), they described to me a conflict they had the day before. Stan had become irritated with Shelly and Shelly had responded to his irritation by withdrawing. This was a typical dynamic between them and the distance would often continue for days until they finally ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular