Do You Want To Connect With Your Partner?

Most people want to be connected with someone special in their lives. But if people really want this, why do so many complain of feeling lonely and disconnected from their partner? What needs to happen for them to connect?

Disconnection Happens When…

• One or both people are focused on controlling and not being controlled, and are protecting against being hurt/rejected/controlled with anger, blame, withdrawal, resistance, compliance, work, alcohol, drugs, TV, food, daydreaming, ruminating, over-talking, people-pleasing and so on.
   
• One or both are coming to the other disconnected from themselves — empty and needy, looking for approval, attention, validation and/or sex. Both are abandoning themselves rather than loving themselves.
   
• One or both come to the other to complain and be a victim.
   
• One or both people are more intent on being right, or not being wrong, than in being loving.
   
• One or both partners are more interested in punishing than connecting.
   
• One or both are trying to get love rather than be loving.
   
• Each is waiting for the other to initiate time together.
   
• One or both are afraid to reach out with physical affection.
   
• One or both withhold expressions of caring and support.
   
• One or both won't risk speaking their truth to the other.
   
• One or both people are willing to lose themselves rather than risk losing the other.
   
• Neither partner has done the inner work to cherish their own core Self, and therefore cannot see their partner's core Self. They are relating from their wounded self to their partner's wounded self.
   
• Neither person has done the inner work necessary to not take the others' behavior personally.
   
• One or both partners are not compassionate toward themselves, nor empathetic and compassionate toward each other.
   
• One or both doesn't listen to the other.

 

More from YourTango: The Goals of Controlling Behavior In Relationships

Connection Happens When...