"Of Course You Know How To Love. It Surrounds You Daily"

By

"Of Course You Know How To Love. It Surrounds You Daily"
When you learn to love yourself, you will experience what love is, and you will know how to love.

We read many things about what love is and what it isn't to help us understand love. But love is not something we can understand from our mind. Until we experience it, we don't actually know what it is or how to experience it in our lives.

Is it love when a parent allows a baby to cry and cry, to get them on a schedule or get them to sleep? No!

 

Is it love when a parent hits a child and says, "I'm doing this because I love you"? Of course not.

Is it love when a spouse gets angry with his or her partner for not wanting to make love, saying, "If you love me, you will have sex with me"? Obviously not.
Yet, these people might believe that they are being loving.

If it doesn't feel good and right, then it's not love. (Except for Toughlove, which might not feel good in the moment, but still feels right inside).

This is true both on the inner level and in relationships. If what we tell ourselves and how we treat ourselves feels bad inside, it's not love. If how someone else is treating us feels hurtful inside, then it's not love.

The sad truth is that most people don't know how to love themselves, or others, because they have never experienced what love actually is.

Just like you can't describe a color to a blind person, you can't adequately describe love to someone who has never experienced it. We can use many words, such as:

• It feels safe and nurturing
• It feels full and fulfilling
• It feels happy and joyful
• It feels calm and peaceful
• It feel exciting, alive and vibrant
• It feels light, flowing and creative
• It feel connected and embracing
• It feel fun and pleasurable
• It feels big

We can say all these words, and maybe even get a sense of what it feels like, but until you actually feel it, you don't truly get it in your heart and soul.

So how do we get an experience of love if we have never experienced it?

Sometimes, we need to be held by a loving person to a get the experience of love. This often happens at my 5-Day Intensives, and participants frequently say, "This is the first time I've ever experienced love,"— from both the experience of being lovingly held, and from the experience of spending five days feeling fully supported rather than judged. Most people have little experience with being surrounded by the energy of love when with other people.

However, the truth is that we are always surrounded by the energy of love, since love is the energy of the universe. Love is what God is, what Spirit is. When you fully open your heart to loving yourself and others, and to learning moment by moment about loving action toward yourself and others, you open yourself to the experience of love from your Source.
Anita Moorjani, in her book, Dying To Be Me, shares her near-death experience, where she experienced this profound love. She stated that if she had to sum up her experience in two words, it would be to "love yourself."

It's when you open to learning about loving yourself that you open your heart to allowing in the love of the universe. While it's wonderful and very healing to experience love from another person, you don't need to wait for that to know what love is. You can know directly from the Source of Love. In fact, the more you open to allowing love in from Spirit, the more experiences you will have of sharing love with others.

We can all know in our hearts and souls what love is —when we open to it. When you let it in and feel it in your being, then you will be able to share it. You will know how to love.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her new 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."

To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox". The first two weeks are free! Discover SelfQuest®, a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution computer program. Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.

Connect with Margaret on Facebook: Inner Bonding, and Facebook: SelfQuest.

This article was originally published at Inner Bonding . Reprinted with permission.

More love advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

Trusting Others Starts With Trusting Yourself

By

"I have a hard time trusting people." "I never feel like I can trust my husband (or wife)." It is very common for me in my work as a counselor to hear the above statements. Trust issues abound in relationships. However, resolving trust issues is not about getting another person to be trustworthy. It's about you become a ... Read more

How To Become Free

By

I used to think that to become free you had to practice like a samurai warrior, but now I understand that you have to practice like a devoted mother of a newborn child. It takes the same energy but has a completely different quality. It's compassion and presence rather than having to defeat the enemy in battle. ~Jack Kornfield, "The ... Read more

Is He Pushing Your Buttons? 5 Ways To Walk Away Without A Fight

By

We all have many addictive ways of avoiding feeling our painful feelings and taking responsibility for them, especially in a long-term relationship or marriage. Some ways are obvious, such as substance abuse, but some ways can be very subtle, such as picking a fight with your partner under the guise of effective communication. Take a look. Do you see your ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular