Do You Know The Difference Between Caring & Care Taking?

By

Do You Know The Difference Between Caring & Care Taking?
Do you tell yourself you are being caring when you are fixing? Discover the big difference!

Caring = giving to another from love, for the joy of it - as a free gift
Caretaking = giving to get love, giving with an agenda attached, giving yourself up

If you tune in to how you feel when someone is truly caring about you or trying to fix you, you will begin to understand the vast difference in the energy.

While the actions of caring and caretaking might look the same, because the intention is totally different, the energy is also completely different.

Sandy is a caretaker. She is constantly doing things for others - sometimes because they ask her to and other times because she believes that is what they want and expect. The problem is that Sandy often abandons herself to give to others, and then expects others to give back to her and fill the emptiness within her caused by her self-abandonment. She ignores her own feelings and uses giving to others as an addiction to avoid responsibility for herself. She uses her caretaking as a form of control to try to get others to like and value her, rather than learning to like and value herself. 

While others may like what Sandy gives to them, they rarely give back to her in the way she hopes for, so Sandy generally ends up feeling invisible, unappreciated, disappointed and drained, and often angry as well.

Sometimes the energy of Sandy's giving often doesn’t feel good to others, as they feel pulled on and obligated to give back.

Monica, on the other hand, has learned through her Inner Bonding process to connect with her personal source of spiritual Guidance, which enables her to define her own worth so that she isn't needy of others' attention and approval. She knows how to fill herself with love and to take 100% responsibility for her own feelings. Before giving to others, she checks in with herself to see if this is something she really wants to do, so when she gives, it is for the joy of it. Her caring is a free gift — there are no strings attached, no agendas. She has no expectations about how the other person ‘should’ respond.

The energy of Monica's giving feels wonderful — a breath of fresh air that warms the heart and fills the soul.

While Sandy and Monica may do exactly the same thing — for example cook a lovely meal for their partner — the energy of it is totally different because the intent is totally different.

When a husband gives his wife flowers to get something — approval, sex, attention — his wife can feel the strings attached and would have rather not received the flowers. She may give him a half-smile, but inside she may be feeling shut down or resistant, since she feels the flowers are a form of control. There is no love in the act of giving flowers when the intent is to get something.

This article was originally published at Inner Bonding . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

Forget The Past And The Future — Life Happens Now

By

We'd all love to know the future — to know that everything turns out the way we want it to. Some of us spend a lot of time thinking about the future and doing all we can to control it. Or we get caught up on thinking about the past and how we wish we had done it differently. Yet every moment we think about the past or the future we are not in the ... Read more

Eating Well Means Living Well

By

Over 50 years ago, due to having been a sickly child and adolescent, I became interested in nutrition. After reading the current literature, I changed my entire way of eating. I cut out sugar, refined foods and frozen and packaged foods, as well as anything with pesticides or preservatives. At that time, there were few health food stores that carried organic ... Read more

Is It A Demand Or Request? Ask A Marriage Counselor

By

Are you confused about the difference between making a demand and making a request? It's easy to be confused about this. Tina asks, "Margaret, what's the difference between a demand and asking for what you need in a relationship?" Demands Asking for what you want and need in a relationship is important, but it becomes a demand when the ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular