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Is Divorce The Answer For You?

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Is Divorce The Answer For You?
When and how to decide on divorce
There are many reasons for divorce. Here is a list of the most common.


• You are married to someone with a severe personally disorder, such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder, and is not motivated to heal.

• You want an emotionally connected and intimate relationship and you are married to someone who has no interest in a deeper emotional connection, and no desire to work on the relationship. You are very lonely in the relationship.

• You have fully explored and healed what originally attracted you to your partner, so that you don’t repeat the same mistake.

• You have explored and healed your end of the relationship system – such as your neediness, caretaking, enabling, anger, blame, compliance, demanding, addictions – and feel happy within yourself. Without healing your end of the relationship system, you will take your baggage with you, and create a similar relationship.

More from YourTango: Relationships: When to Talk, When to Act

When Divorce May Not be Answer for You

• If you are angry and blaming your partner for your unhappiness, then you have not done your inner work to learn to take responsibility for your own feelings. As long as you are abandoning yourself and making your partner responsible for your feelings, divorce may be a waste of time.

• If you believe that the problems are mostly about your partner, then you have not yet done the inner healing work to learn about your end of the relationship system. Divorce is a waste of time unless you fully understand and heal why you were originally attracted to your partner, and you fully understand and heal your end of the relationship system.

• If the passion and intimacy – which were originally a part of your relationship - have gone out of the relationship, but you and your partner still care about each other, there is still hope. When this is the case, it is likely that if each of you is willing to learn about your own end of the protective, controlling system - which is limiting the passion and intimacy - the relationship can heal.

• If you have children and are both involved with your children. Perhaps you have a companionship relationship – getting along well and enjoying each other as friends, without the chemistry involved in being good lovers. If this is acceptable to both of you, then staying together may be fine while you are raising your children. If it is not acceptable to both of you, then staying together might not be the answer.

People who experienced the first list and leave a marriage, are happy they left. People who experienced the second list are often not happy they left. If you are honest with yourself, you will know whether or not divorce is right for you.

To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free! ! Discover SelfQuest®, a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution computer program. Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.

More from YourTango: Stop Escalating Conflict!

Connect with Margaret on Facebook: Inner Bonding, and Facebook: SelfQuest.

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Dr. Margaret Paul

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

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