Date Lying

By

Date Lying
Both men and women frequently lie at the beginning of dating, but they lie about different things.

A reader of my articles wrote to me about the article I wrote entitled, "Why do People Lie?" He said that he would be "very interested in a similar article with examples about all the lying that women do....At least in the initial stages of dating, women lie sooooo much."

Well, being a woman, I'm not as aware of how much women lie on dates as I am of how much men lie on dates. So I decided to write about date lying in general.

The man who wrote to me was upset about lies such as "I have to go," or "I'm busy," or "I'm on another call right now. I'll call you back." He states that, "I think that much of this is women's very misguided attempt to 'spare someone's feelings.' Reject them, without actually rejecting them."

In my experience, this is accurate. Women have been trained to not hurt men's feelings. They have been taught that if the truth will hurt, then tell a "white lie." And, when they do tell the truth, it is often in a harsh or critical way.

I've often counseled women, who don't want to date a particular man, to say things like, "I don't feel romantic toward you," or "There doesn't seem to be chemistry between us," or "I'm not feeling a connection with you." One of my clients told a man who called her for a first date, "Your energy does not feel respectful toward me. I'm not drawn to meet you because of this." He was open to what she was saying and they ended up having a good conversation. He was appreciative of her truth, and she ended up going out with him.

Since men are usually the ones doing the calling, they are not as often put in the position of saying no. My experience is that men often lie too, but in different ways. For example, a client of mine, a psychotherapist, dated a man who told her he was in therapy. She was pleased to hear this, as personal growth is very important to her. She later discovered that he was in therapy because the court had mandated it due to him having punched his ex-wife in the stomach while she was pregnant. She found this out through the ex-wife. His avoidance of the truth was an attempt to impress her and control how she felt about him.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

"How Do I Ask For What I Need?"

By

In a healthy, loving relationship, partners ask each other for what they need, and generally receive a caring response. But sometimes this can get tricky – depending on whether it is your loving adult asking, or your wounded self. This dilemma is expressed by Julie in the following question: "How can we express to our partner that sometimes we ... Read more

Relationships: Hanging in Through the Hard Stuff

By

Are you committed to working through the difficult and painful issues that inevitably arise in relationships, or do you run when things get hard? If you want to have a long-term loving relationship, then you need to learn to hang in through the hard stuff. When Isabel and Lloyd met, they both felt that this was the relationship they had each been looking ... Read more

"I'm Trying to Leave"

By

Angela asked me the following questions in one of my free webinars: "My husband was diagnosed with Asperger’s three years ago and I have been trying to leave him for 1.5 years now. How can I leave and grieve without being overwhelmed when he says he will change? I'm not sure if he will ever be able to connect with me ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB