Cinderella Wasn't Saved - She Was a Happy Person All Along!

By

Cinderella Wasn't Saved - She Was a Happy Person All Along!
Do you believe that you need the right relationship to be happy? Discover why this is not true.

Would the prince have chosen Cinderella to marry if she was a miserable young woman? If her stepsisters were beautiful but miserable, would he have chosen either of them?

Are you living under the delusion that when you meet your soul mate you will finally be happy - that your misery is because you are not in a relationship or not in the right relationship? If this is you, you might be interested in what I have discovered in my 43 years of counseling individuals and couples.

 

Most people who are happy in their marriages were ALREADY HAPPY before meeting their spouse. Happy people make happy marriages. Unhappy people either don't marry or generally continue to be unhappy after getting married.

While Cinderella wasn't happy with her circumstances, inside she was a loving, happy person. And so was the prince. "Happily ever after" is often not the result of getting married, but the result of two basically happy people getting married to each other.

Over and over I hear from my clients: "I need a relationship to be happy." Over and over I say to them, "Focus on learning how to make yourself happy now and then you might find the relationship you are seeking."

If you think about it, it makes sense. If you were a basically happy person, would you be attracted to a basically unhappy person? Not likely.

When you make your happiness dependent upon another person, you are handing them responsibility for your emotional wellbeing. Why would someone else want this responsibility? And, since we are attracted to each other at our common level of woundedness – which is the level at which we emotionally abandon ourselves - the chances are that the person you are attracted to and who is attracted to you is also looking to you to take responsibility for their emotional wellbeing. This is called a codependent relationship. It’s generally not a happy relationship, and almost never happily ever after.

There is certainly nothing wrong with wanting a wonderful relationship. But the chances of finding that wonderful relationship if you are unhappy is slim. When you are already happy, then you want a relationship to share your love, your happiness, your joy, your learning and growth and your interests. When you are unhappy, the chances are you are looking for a relationship to make you happy, and this is likely not going happen.

Back to Cinderella. Because she was a caring person, she tried very hard to make her stepmother and her stepsisters happy. But they were never happy. Why? Because they were angry and blaming people, making Cinderella responsible for their happiness. No matter how kind and wonderful she was, it did not matter, because their misery was created by their own beliefs and ways of treating themselves and others.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

What to do When He Expects You to be His Therapist

By

One of the important things I learned in my own marriage and in my work with clients is that a committed relationship is NOT supposed to be a therapeutic relationship. We can help each other to learn, grow and heal, but this is very different than a therapeutic relationship. In a marriage, or close committed relationship or friendship, we can help each other, ... Read more

Control and Resistance Can Ruin Your Sex Life

By

"I just want to feel loved," complained Angie. "Is that too much to ask? I want to be able to count on Richard in bed. I'm tired of feeling like I don't count!" Angie and her husband, Richard, were caught in a power struggle that was having a very negative affect on their sex life. Most of the time, as soon as they started to ... Read more

Dealing With Trust Issues? Why You Need To Trust YOURSELF First

By

"I have a hard time trusting people." "I never feel like I can trust my husband (or wife)." It is very common for me in my work as a counselor to hear the above statements. Trust issues abound in relationships. However, resolving trust issues is not about getting another person to be trustworthy. It's about you become a ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular