ProConnect

Challenges of The Dating Scene

By

Challenges of The Dating Scene
Dating? Discover some of what you can learn that will be very valuable for you.

Franklin writes:

"I am a 68 year old male who was married for 27 years and now divorced 15 years. I have fallen in love with a woman after only three months of dating, but she is disengaging by being incommunicado. I am mystified since things were going so well then suddenly she is not available. What to do?"

More from YourTango: How Far Am I In The Narcissism World?

Franklin, as hard as it is, there is nothing you can do about her disengaging from you. You need to be very compassionate toward your own heartbreak. Generally, people do this when they get scared of intimacy. There are two major reasons they get scared:

1. They have a fear of engulfment – a fear of losing themselves - so when the relationship gets closer, they run away. This has nothing to do with you.

2. Falling in love after only three months may indicate some neediness on your part. You might have made her responsible for your sense of worth, happiness and safety. She might have felt pulled on by you to caretake you. If this is the case, then she might be disengaging rather than deal with this.

In either case, the fact that she is not communicating may indicate that she is unwilling to hang in through difficulties and learn from them. This is important information about her.

As hard as it is to let go, you need to accept that you cannot create a relationship with someone who doesn't communicate and who instead runs away.

Marjorie writes:

"I've had several occasions in a row where I've been in the early stages of dating someone or communicating online with a view to arranging a date and things have gone the same way. Each time the guys have seemed nice, open and interested in me. They've paid me compliments and seemed genuine. Then the communication tails off. The text messages become less frequent and then stop. I don't chase or become needy when this happens. A few times I've waited a while then sent a message asking if they've lost interest and saying it's ok if they have, but I'd just like to know. They've responded sounding all interested again, but then it tails off again! I'm already doing work on myself and my own feelings around relationships, but I'm just wondering what your take is on why I'm currently attracting this behavior in men. Thanks.

More from YourTango: Using Your Inner Strengths To Become More Intimate

Marjorie, you need to accept that in the dating world, this is very common. It's best to not take it personally. Take it as information about the person and move on. You are not necessarily attracting this - it's just that there are many people like this.

One of the members of our website gave this helpful response:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

How Far Am I In The Narcissism World?

By

All of us have some characteristics and behaviors that fall into the category of narcissism. Narcissism is on a continuum from mild, occasional, and subtle to the more ubiquitous, obvious or extreme behaviors of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Since narcissism is likely a part of everyone's ego wounded self, it is helpful to your personal growth and ... Read more

Using Your Inner Strengths To Become More Intimate

By

"Intimacy begins with oneself. It does no good to try to find intimacy with friends, lovers, and family if you are starting out from alienation and division within yourself." -Thomas Moore Do you try to create intimacy with your partner without first checking inside to see if you are connected with yourself? Do you believe that if you found ... Read more

Relationships: When to Talk, When to Act

By

In my work with couples, I am often asked, "Shouldn't I communicate with my partner about this? Shouldn't we talk this over?" For example, Ginger noticed that when her husband, Ron, became demanding sexually or started to complain about not having enough sex, she would become defensive and try to talk him out of his feelings by explaining ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Fighting

Put Your Relationship on a Diet Free of Blame and Criticism

Replace the blame and criticism in your relationship with heartfelt gratitude and appreciations.

Smooches

Why You'll Never Meet The Right Partner

Give up the search - and figure out how to actually create love instead.

Trouble In Paradise

The Honeymoon Is Over

Making marriage work post honeymoon phase

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS