50 Things You Should Try For Hotter Sex
ProConnect

Are you Takers or Caretakers

By

Are you Takers or Caretakers
Most people fall on one side or the other of the codependent system. Which side are you on?

Both takers and caretakers have the same challenge — learning how to take loving care of themselves. Neither has a loving adult self when they are operating as a taker or caretaker.
Takers believe that others should be their source of love, happiness and fun, and that others not doing this is the cause of their pain. They believe that others can love them better than they can love themselves. They do not believe that receiving love from a spiritual source — the true Source of love — can ever fill them as much as another person's love. They don't realize that the source of their pain is their self-abandonment, and they don't want to accept that others ultimately don't want the responsibility for the taker's wellbeing.

Caretakers believe that they are selfish if they take care of themselves instead of care-take others. They believe that they do not deserve to take care of themselves — that they have to earn love. It's not that they don't know how to love themselves — it's that they don't believe that they have the right to love themselves unless they are alone and no one needs them.
Caretaker and takers come together because both have much to learn with each other.

More from YourTango: How Far Am I In The Narcissism World?

Relationships between takers and caretakers have the necessary juice to stimulate growth in both, provided both people see this charged arena as a great gift. Often, takers see what caretakers are doing in their wounded selves, and caretakers see what takers are doing in their wounded selves, but neither sees themselves clearly. If takers and caretakers move into a devoted intent to learn about themselves with each other, they can discover the jewels that each has to offer the other. Whether the relationship is a friendship or a partnership, takers and caretakers have so much to learn from each other.

If your relationship with a friend or partner is volatile, consider that one of you may be a taker and the other a caretaker. Open to the possibility of learning about yourselves with each other. The rewards of this commitment to learning with each other are so great! Don't miss out on this incredible opportunity that life has offered you!

To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free! ! Discover SelfQuest®, a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution computer program. Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.

More from YourTango: Using Your Inner Strengths To Become More Intimate

Connect with Margaret on Facebook: Inner Bonding, and Facebook: SelfQuest.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

"I Keep Choosing The Wrong Partner"

By

Do you find yourself choosing a similar wrong partner over and over? This is what Laura asks about: "How can I get past the point of choosing destructive and abusive relationships over and over just because I grew up in an abusive and dysfunctional family? Is it better to just remain single and grow with God and be a good mom and not gravitate toward ... Read more

"I Lose Myself Around Others"

By

Do you find that you take loving care of yourself when you are alone, but that you lose yourself with someone you are attracted to, or around someone you want to connect with? This is a common issue. Val asks: "I am perfectly able to care, love and connect to myself when I am alone. It's in the face of attraction to someone that I get lost ... Read more

How Far Am I In The Narcissism World?

By

All of us have some characteristics and behaviors that fall into the category of narcissism. Narcissism is on a continuum from mild, occasional, and subtle to the more ubiquitous, obvious or extreme behaviors of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Since narcissism is likely a part of everyone's ego wounded self, it is helpful to your personal growth and ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Winter Couple

Marriage Minded? Do You Want A Good Partner Or A Big Paycheck

If you are a successful single woman, is it time to look past the paycheck to find a good mate?

fishing

Single & Fishing For Love? Here's How You Can Rock The Pond

It's time for you to FISH with the hooks and bait that will bring you everlasting happiness.

Sad Dude

Is Being Scared To Be Alone Keeping You in Bad Relationships?

Getting comfortable with yourself will help you pick better and stop tolerating being treated badly.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS