"Hailey, the key here is to really let her in on your truth with a desire to learn about her rather than control her. For example, you might say, 'Emma, I have a hard time staying connected with you when you complain and tell stories. I find myself feeling bored and my mind wanders. I've mentioned it before, but you keep doing it. There must be some good reasons that it's important to you to do this.' How do you think she would respond if you said this?"
"I think she would be open to it. We could probably get into a really good discussion about it and it would be far more interesting than the story-telling and complaining."
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"The challenge is that you will need to do this many times, each time she goes on and on. For most people, their behavior is habitual. Emma may be addicted to complaining as a way to get attention and sympathy. She will likely not stop just because you speak up once. You will need to speak up over and over. The only way you will be able to do this is if it is more important to you to be loving to yourself and her than it is to attempt to control how she feels about you by being nice. It is not loving to yourself to allow yourself to continue to feel bored and used, and it is not loving to her to allow her to continue to behave in a way that pushes people away from her. Your honesty and desire to learn is far more loving than your niceness."
"Well, I'm going to try this. It will be a challenge for me. I think I'm addicted to trying to control others with niceness, but I really like the idea of being authentic!"
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