One of the most common complaints I receive in my relationship counseling work is, "we hardly ever have sex." Since you might be addicted to the anger and complaining surrounding this issue, I want to make sure you do all the "right things" so you get to continue complaining about it! Here are seven tips to ensure you never have to have sex in your relationship again:
1. Be angry and complain. Given that anger and complaining are not at all loving or erotic, be sure to continue complaining about the lack of sex you're having. Your frustration and nagging are sure to turn your partner off.
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2. Be needy. Both men and women tend to be turned off by someone who needs sex to feel loved and validated. Women are usually completely turned off by a man who approaches her as a needy little boy, craving sex to relieve stress, or to feel adequate. The way to continue to be needy is to make sure that you do not take responsibility for your own feelings, and ignore defining your own self-worth.
3. Give yourself up and be a caretaker. Completely ignore your own feelings and needs, and do everything your partner wants you to do instead. By ignoring your own needs to avoid conflict, you ensure that your partner has no respect for you whatsoever. This means he or she will see you as an object to be used, rather than an equal half of the relationship.
The more you are invisible to yourself, the more disrespect and demands you may receive from your partner. This is a foolproof way to completely turn you off to sex, and to feeling sexual.
4. Be demanding—be a taker. Conversely, making sure to demand that your partner attend to you, instead of to himself or herself, will allow you to see your partner as an object of service. If you do decide to have sex, make sure it is quick, just to satisfy your own needs. If your partner does come on to you, make sure to shut down and become resistant. You want to stay in control.
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Attempt to keep your partner occupied with what you want, and make sure you are critical, demeaning, discounting, threatening, and ridiculing when your partner does what he or she wants. Be sure to make your partner crazy by accusing him or her of being selfish when he or she doesn't want sex. (When in reality, you are the one being selfish...but your partner doesn't need to know that.) Are You Having Sex For The Right Reasons?
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