"My parents had a very good relationship," I often hear my clients say.
"What do you mean by good?" I ask.
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"They didn't fight. They spent a lot of time with each other."
Is kindness more important to each of you than having your way, being in control or being right? Do you each receive joy from being kind to each other? Being kind rather than controlling with each other is essential for a healthy relationship.
2. Spontaneous Warmth and Affection
Do you and your partner well up with warmth and fullness of heart for each other and express it with affection? Are you each able to see the beautiful essence within each other, rather than just the faults? Are you able to get beyond the outer to the unique inner self of each other? Do you enjoy sharing affection? Warmth and affection are vital for a healthy relationship.
3. Laughter and Fun
Can the two of you laugh and play together? Do you appreciate and enjoy each other's sense of humor? In the midst of difficulties, can you help each other to lighten up with humor? Can you let down and be playful with each other, letting yourselves be like kids together? Laughter and fun play a huge role in a healthy relationship.
4. Enjoying Time Together and Time Apart
Are you both each other's favorite person to spend time with? Are you motivated to set aside time just to be together?
Do both of you have friends and interests that you enjoy doing? Are both of you fine when you are not together?
Some couples spend a lot of time together because they really enjoy it, while others spend a lot of time together out of fear of being alone. It is important for a healthy relationship for each person to have friends and interests, so they are not dependent on each other. Dependency is not healthy in a relationship, particularly emotional dependency.
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