He Isn't Really Ignoring You — It's Learned Helplessness

mad couple on bench
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Love, Self

Usually one would feel ignored or not taken seriously when this happens. Is it his fault?

Usually one would feel ignored or not taken seriously when this happens. The husband on the other hand might start feeling that his spouse has lost interest because she doesn’t speak to him the same way any more.

This can lead to a negative feedback loop that can produce disastrous  results in the relationship.

Your husband might be suffering from a phenomenon called “learned helplessness.” Understanding this phenomenon is a large step in the right direction to know why this problem exists and how to solve it.  

The phenomenon of “learned helplessness” was discovered in the 1960s when Drs. Seligman and Maier placed two dogs in a big box that contained two chambers separated by a low barrier. The floor was electrified on one side and not on the other. The dog who had previously been shocked made no attempt to escape the shock, even though he could avoid the shock by simply jumping over a low barrier. “Learned helplessness” possessed and controlled the previously shocked dog. He stopped trying to avoid the shock and behaved as if he were utterly helpless to change the situation. Even when opportunities to escape were possible, no attempt was made.

Read more on our full blog which includes how this phenomenon also affects our relationship to money.

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