My dear friends, those are accomplishment or achievement. I wouldn't call those unconditional love. Those are examples of truly good things — don't get me wrong, but they are based out of external factors: "Self, if you achieve this or that, then I will love you." I'm sorry to say, but that is not real love. It's not the love you deserve.
I've watched many clients be gravely disappointed because they finished a degree, had a huge business success and they still don't feel lovable. They held the belief that an outside success would create an inside feeling. They were caught in the "conditional love hope world."
Happily there is also unconditional love. Unconditional love is not about being worthy or deserving. It is a love without condition: "I love you because I love you — no need to prove it. I love you because you are. Not because of any condition, and even without accomplishment. I love you for being you." You still may not like that wrinkle or extra 5 pounds, but that doesn't destroy your love for yourself.
If you feel such a love without condition for yourself, you are there. Don't take it for granted. Whether you grew up this way or you've worked to arrive at this place, let it guide you to the life you were meant to live. Did you know that the more we love ourselves, the more we can love others — and they, in turn, us? And if we don't love ourselves, it doesn't matter how loving your partner or family may be; you won't be able to receive the love.
Self-love leads to self care. Loving yourself inspires you to care for yourself the way you would care for anyone you deeply love. Self-love and self-care lead to a well being. This is interesting because self-love and self-care also lead to a life you love entirely. Are you afraid that if you love yourself then you'll be alone because no one else will love you? Hogwash!
The world of unconditional self love helps us go forward into the unknown, fail and feel loved, experiment, and follow our passion not knowing where that will lead us and be loved. There is a power to unconditional self love that you don’t want to miss. It’s life-changing.
For more articles on self love, self care and thriving, and living the life you love you want, check out my blog post archives and website articles and
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Lynda Klau, Ph.D.
Founder & Director
Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Development
1 212 595 7373
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