Divorces always seem to come in one of two packages: slightly amicable or miserably dramatic. Most people prefer the latter, yet are unsure of exactly how to achieve it. With that in mind, here are a few, useful tips to make your divorce far more pleasant than you originally expected:
1. Leave defensiveness at the door. Defensive behavior will not only lead you to feeling rotten but will only add to increased tension between you and your soon to be ex. How can you tell if you've hit the defensive door? Watch for words like, "no I didn't" or "you started it" or "that's not true." When you find yourself being defensive ask for a time out to get yourself together. Even if your ex is finger pointing, yelling, blaming, etc., don't do it. Take the high road. You will never regret calming yourself down but you will regret trying to change his opinion with defensiveness. It's not going to happen so let it go.
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2. Neither accept nor deny all of the blame for your divorce. It took two of you to get to this place and it's extremely important for you to dig deep and own your role in it. On the other hand, don't be a martyr. You alone did not end your marriage and you both would do best by acknowledging that. Since you have no control over his thoughts or behaviors, take care of your own and take care of yourself.
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3. Don't "dis" your ex to everyone you meet. First off, it's rather bad behavior to kiss and tell but more importantly, it means you are hanging on to some really nasty energy that will inevitably only hurt you. Share your thoughts and feelings with either a professional and/or one or two close confidants but not with every person you come across. If the only thing you can think about your ex is highly negative, try not to think about him. Seriously! Stop that nasty repetitive thought, let it slide out of your head and add some positive, happier thoughts about anything but your ex. Keep reading ...
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