ProConnect

3 Easy Ways To End The Bitch/Yell/Nag/Whine/ Doom Loop

By

3 Easy Ways To End The Bitch/Yell/Nag/Whine/ Doom Loop
Are you in a downward spiral with your man where you're either yelling or ignoring? Read on!

2) Know exactly how to ask for what you want.  Here’s the thing, if you ask for something when you are either feeling sorry for yourself or pissed off at your partner, there is no way that you are going to ask in a way that leads to results.  You’ve got to dig deep, listen to the words you are saying to yourself, change them, and then ask from a healthy place.  If you are saying to yourself, “I never get what I want, it’s always about him, no one cares about me” you will be asking with a whiny, pouty voice that may get you what you want but certainly won’t leave you or him feeling good about you.  Is that really what you want, a band-aid?  A flimsy one at that?

If you are saying to yourself, “I shouldn’t even have to ask for this, he should know what I want.  What’s wrong with him?  My girlfriend’s husbands would never act like this.”  Then you are guaranteed to ask him with a bitchy tone that will either annoy the heck out of him or put him on the defensive.  Neither of which will lead to the two of you walking away feeling great about each other or your relationship.  Asking him from a place of calm will guarantee at least a pleasant conversation even if the answer is still no. 

More from YourTango: The Desperation Of Depression: Why We Must Show Compassion

3) Manage your response to his response.  What?  Well here’s the thing, after all of this nice work on your part he may still say no and that’s likely to upset you in some way.   Feeling that way would be perfectly reasonable yet if you want to permanently change your pattern of communication and get out of that miserable doom loop, you are going to have to manage your response to his response.  If you get aggressive, bitchy, whiny, pouty, or give him the silent treatment, you have just landed yourself in the place you wanted to get out of.   

Now is not the time to give up.  Hold tight to your calm, confident self, take a deep breath and ask his some well-meaning questions about his response.  See if you can get more information from him about why he is saying no.  Ask nicely to revisit the topic at another time and do your best to stay civil and connected to him.   If your long-term goal is to improve how the two of you communicate and to feel better about yourself when you do so, stay calm and focused on that goal and not on the moment.   Change takes time so stick with it.  Most likely he will start to make some changes himself and suddenly the two of you will be out of that doom loop and in a much more satisfying relationship. 

More from YourTango: Teaching Your Kid To Fear Disappointment? You Should Stop NOW

Lisa Kaplin is a psychologist and life coach at www.smartwomeninspiredlives.com

 

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Lisa Kaplin

YourTango Expert Partner

Dr. Lisa J. Kaplin is a life coach and psychologist you can reach her at:

www.smartwomeninspiredlives.com

 

Location: Long Grove, IL
Credentials: CPC, ELI-MP, MS, PsyD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Lisa Kaplin:

Reconnect With Yourself: Don't Let Motherhood Ruin Your Sex Life

By ,

Motherhood has become, for so many of us, the ultimate marathon. Each day we seemingly put every ounce of energy into our children and running our households. The recent creation (and use) of terms like 'helicopter parents' or 'hyper-parenting' practically confirms that we are guilty of focusing on modern day motherhood emotionally, physically ... Read more

End The Morning Madness: Here's The Easiest Way To A Happier Day

By

Do you start your day feeling as if you have a thousand pound weight on your chest? Are you likely to lay in bed thinking, "I can't handle this day?" Do too many "to do's" run through your head before you even get all the way out of the bed? Does your day start with you just wishing that it was over already? So many of my clients ... Read more

The Desperation Of Depression: Why We Must Show Compassion

By

When I hear or read comments about suicide such as, "He was so selfish to do that", "How come she didn't think about her family?" or "Didn't he realize that he had so much to live for?" I realize that the people speaking these words have obviously never suffered a moment of depression in their lives. I'm actually happy ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Brain

Use Goal Setting To Get A Boyfriend

You use goal setting in your professional life, but you can also use it to find true love.

shame

Uncovering the "Scandal" Behind Abusive Relationships

The media is abuzz with the news that “Scandal” star Columbus Short recently ...

Sex: How To Make Your Wife In The Mood For Sex

Are You The Tortoise Or The Hare In The Bedroom?

If he's ready and you're not, consider putting on a sexy fashion show for him.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS