9 Healthy Habits We Can Learn From Open Relationships

By Dr. Lisa Firestone. Posted on Dec 26th 2012.

red open sign — Is an open relationship right for you?

The difference between infidelity and polyamory boils down to one very fundamental virtue.

9. Don't turn your partner into a parent ... where you are asking his or her permission to go out or do something on your own. In turn, don't restrict your partner by imposing too many restraints on his/her actions. This creates a parent-child dynamic of inequality in your relationship that will have a ripple effect.

If our goal is to enjoy a rich and sustainable relationship, it is essential to maintain equality, honesty, respect, and individuality. And, in many cases, these characteristics can exist among couples whether or not they've decided to be sexually exclusive. Sex columnist Dan Savage has stirred up controversy by talking about unrealistic or unnatural expectations we impose on monogamous relationships, even suggesting that, in some cases, "non-monogamy can strengthen a marriage."

Yet, for this to be possible, Savage has stressed the unwavering importance of honesty and openness. In an interview with NPR, Savage stated, "For a non-monogomous relationship to function properly, properly meaning no blood, no tears, both persons involved have to agree on a set of rules."

More from YourTango: Are You Tricking Yourself Out Of Love?

Whatever this set of rules may be for a couple, whether insisting on monogamy or making certain exceptions, that is for them alone to decide. What matters is that once we've decided and agreed upon the terms of our relationship, we must stand by these decisions. In doing so, we offer our partner and ourselves a certain degree of freedom and respect as the separate individuals we are.

We are then free to love our partners for who they are, not as extensions of ourselves or people we must control, watch out for or feel suspicious toward. When two people in a couple accept and appreciate each other's uniqueness and independence, they're often surprised by how much closer they get to each other. When we give up some control, we gain much more than we lose.

More from YourTango: Are We Still Condemning Women for Their Sexuality?

Want more advice? Find an expert near you!

Article contributed by

View profile

Advanced Member

Dr. Lisa Firestone

Author

Dr. Lisa Firestone PhD

Director of Research and Education

The Glendon Association

www.glendon.org

www.psychalive.org

(805) 681-0415 x216

Location: Santa Barbara, CA

Credentials: PhD

Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression, Family Support, Parenting, Stress Management

Website: http://www.psychalive.org/

Other Articles/News by Dr. Lisa Firestone:

Are You Tricking Yourself Out Of Love?

By Dr. Lisa Firestone

I was once doing a radio show about our (my father, Dr. Robert Firestone, and my) work on the "critical inner voice," a self-destructive thought process we all possess. The host started the show by talking about all the media attention on terrorism and the fear we, as a nation, were feeling following the attacks of 9/11. She ended her introduction by ... Read more

Are We Still Condemning Women for Their Sexuality?

By Dr. Lisa Firestone

Months have passed since Rush Limbaugh apologized for the scathing insults he spewed about a female student who spoke out before congress on the importance of birth control to young women. Yet, echoes of the terms Limbaugh used, “slut,” “prostitute” and “feminazi,” should still be ringing in our ears. Moreover, they should ... Read more

Why Are We Hooked on Rejection?

By Dr. Lisa Firestone

You don’t need to be a psychologist to note the very harsh effects of a breakup on a person’s mental health. When a relationship ends, humiliation, rage, loneliness, anguish and grief all seem to simultaneously show up at the door, marching in arm-in-arm to parade noisily around our psyche. Evicting these emotions is a matter of healing, ... Read more