Who’s got your back? Who’s in your corner? Who’s on your side? Who’s seated at your table?
Imagine you have invited five of your closest friends to your home for a holiday gathering. You’ve got your shiny bright holiday decorations up, the eggnog is ready, and the festive music is playing.
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Who’s showing up for this gathering?
Over the past 20 years, I have worked in different capacities (as a chiropractor for 12 years, and a Love Mentor now for over 8 years) with over a thousand women (probably more, but I’m being conservative here). And what I’ve seen is that the people that we invite into our lives on a regular basis either lift you up or bring you down, they either never challenge your assumptions about life or they give you some much needed tough love every now and then.
So my question is: do you have only “yes-people” around you? Friends who you can cry it out to when that mean boyfriend tells you about yourself and calls you on your crap.... and you call your Yes-Friends who only tell you how wrong and messed-up he is, and how you are right... and that there’s nothing you need to change about yourself. The problem is really him 100%. Not you. Oh no... not you... never you.
Girlfriend, you know by now that I HAVE to dish out the tough love to ya. Otherwise, I’d be sitting at that table with all of your YES friends... and you’d never grow and evolve and you’d always be blaming your ex’es for why it didn’t work out with them... and doomed to keep repeating the same old cycle in the name of being “right”....when YOU were always the one at the scene of the crime!
So, I’m asking you to check yo’self before you wreck yo’self!
I’m inviting you to start inviting a new type of friend into your life: The Tough Love Friend. She’s loving, kind, and HONEST with you about her observations on how you do your life. She invites you to grow yourself first, to do the inner inquiry that’s so necessary to learn about yourself and how you do relationships, and encourages you to go learn more when you are ready to go beyond her expertise... all so you can make better decisions in the future.
Don’t have a Tough Love Friend?
Create one. Ask a person in your life that you respect to be radically honest with you. (Notice that I didn’t say brutally honest... that never does you any good) Radical honesty means 100% truthful.... and KIND and LOVING.
Ask her this powerful question:
Where do you see me limiting myself in relationships and in life?
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Tell her you want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Then:
Listen. And take notes. Breathe (it’s not always easy to hear).
It’s been said by success experts that “Feedback is the breakfast of champions”.
Get feedback on your life by a person that you admire and respect. This is super important. As she’s answering your question, just listen. Don’t say anything. And do allow her to finish.
(And by the way, here’s what NOT to do once you’ve asked for feedback):