Having the proper expectations about your marriage is important for it's success!
Aside from being a relationship expert in private practice, I also teach at a local university. Recently, I had the opportunity to teach a class on Relationships and Marriage. A great deal of the material is devoted to providing proper expectations. One of the students said that she felt the course should be mandatory for all college students. I believe many of us in the field would agree with her.
So many couples commit themselves to one another without really knowing what a long-term partnership requires. (To help couples, I created Marriage Tips That Actually Work.) As a relationship coach, I do think overall there is more education being offered to help this process. Couples are being informed about things like how to communicate better, having the same values, discussing if they want kids and how they’ll parent, etc. I’ll address some of these in later blogs.
Today, I want to mention an idea that I don’t think gets spoken about too often. I’m reminded of a client who came to me after being married for a short while. She was very distressed because she didn’t feel the same amount of love she had in the past. Without much hesitation, I reassured her that what she was talking about was pretty normal. In fact, throughout marriage, even healthy empowered ones, there are times you don’t feel the love … and then you do. It comes in waves. Her response, in relief, was: “No one tells you that!”
Especially in the hectic world that we live in, it’s very easy to disconnect from your partner. It takes being really mindful and making your relationship a priority to keep it on course. But even with such awareness, you’re human; and so, your feelings vary. But if you don’t know this, it can be scary. (And certainly after many years, relationships get stale. Luckily, there are ways to revitalize your relationships!)
Don’t go running if you should notice this happening to you. Chances are very good that it will pass. If it continues for a long time, then you might want to look at what needs aren’t being addressed and have a discussion with your partner. It’s important to take care of you and your relationship. By doing so, you will be able to empower your relationship!