Are You Falling For These Lies About Divorce Recovery?

By

Divorce Coach: Lies About Divorce Recovery
Let's not make divorce any worse than it has to be.

Your ex is the reason your marriage failed. Even if your ex behaved in a way that necessitated your divorce, you still played some small role in the failure of the marriage. Even if that role was only agreeing to the marriage, the faster you can come to terms with your part in the end of the marriage the faster you'll be able to recover from your divorce.

You should feel really sad when you get divorced. You might feel sad, you might feel relieved, you might feel angry... or you might feel some other emotion. There's no rule that says the only emotion you should feel when you get divorced is sad.

You don't need any time to adjust to your new single life; you should be able to continue doing everything you were doing before just fine. The truth is that getting divorce for most people is stressful. Any added stress makes doing what you've always done more difficult. So please be gentle with yourself when you're going through divorce, and allow yourself extra time to take care of you.

You should start dating right away. Not everyone feels ready to date when they get divorced. There's no reason that you must start dating right away. Take your time and you'll know when you're ready to date.

The sooner you get into another relationship the faster you'll get over your divorce. This works for a few people, but most people need to have a little bit of time to get to know themselves again before jumping into a new relationship.

Getting divorced means that you are a failure. Getting divorced only means that your marriage didn't work out. It doesn't necessarily mean anything about you as a person.

Your friends will always support you. This is another one that I wish wasn't on this list of lies. Your friends will support you to the best of their ability. Unfortunately for some, they might not have any ability to support you. The thing to remember is that they're behaving in ways that make the most sense to them and not necessarily in ways that make the most sense to you.

Your Functional Divorce Assignment:
Which of the lies were you surprised to see on the list? Most of us don’t realize that what we and those around us believe about divorce might not be true.

What beliefs do you have about divorce that you might now wonder if they are lies? It's common for lists like the one above to trigger other thoughts about what else should have been on it. Here's your chance to explore some of your beliefs about divorce and decide if you still want to believe them or not.

How has reading this article changed your thoughts about your divorce recovery? When I share these fallacies about divorce with my clients, their first response is denial that they believe any of the lies. Then when we dig a bit deeper, they recognize that they might have bought into one or two of them. Once they make that discovery, we're able to directly address some of the obstacles they've had.  Then they're able to get through the remainder of their divorce recovery work much more quickly.

Article contributed by

Dr Karen Finn

Divorce Coach

Dr. Karen Finn is a divorce coach and the owner of The Functional Divorce. She works with people through all the different life changes divorce creates so they can get to living the best of their lives.

She is the author of On the Road from Heartbreak to Happiness daily messages to help you help yourself heal from divorce.

Dr. Karen is happy to give you "The 5 Things You MUST Know About Your Divorce". In it you'll get the information you need to be prepared for how your divorce will change your life.

 

 

Location: Ovilla, TX
Credentials: PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr Karen Finn:

Wish Your Ex Would Die? It's Ok, You're Not Alone

By

Divorce sucks. Two people who married with dreams of happily-ever-after become enemies who seemingly simultaneously want their former spouse to die and to love them again. It's a confusing, frustrating and maddening situation to be in. More often than not, a divorcing spouse will lean toward one of the two opposing fantasies. I leaned toward wishing my ... Read more

Who Needs Your Ex? Give Yourself A Massage

By

One of the things that surprised me when I got divorced was how much I missed being touched. During the course of a typical day, my ex and I would accidentally bump into each other in the kitchen, briefly touch hands while we handed things to each other or touch the other on the arm to quietly capture their attention. Somehow after my divorce, this lack of ... Read more

You May Be Mad At Your Ex, But Don’t Be An Exhole

By

An exhole is an ex who acts like an a**hole. In my role as a divorce coach, I've heard all kinds of stories from my clients and family law attorneys. Many times, the stories a client tells me are about their ex behaving like an exhole, but not always. Sometimes I have clients who don't immediately realize that THEY are the exhole. Here are some ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.