Slaying Your Divorce Dragons And Moving On

By

Slaying Your Divorce Dragons And Moving On
Dating after a divorce can be scary; read how to gain confidence and get back out there.

It turns out there's been quite a bit of amazing research done over the past hundred years on the human body. Scientists have discovered that we all have "multiple brains" — if we define a brain as a collection of a large number of ganglia, along with sensory and motor neurons, neural cells with inter-neurons, support cells and components such as glial cells and astrocytes. In addition, a brain has certain functional attributes, such as perceiving, assimilating and processing information, memory and storage access, ability to mediate complex reflexes via an intrinsic nervous system and a storage warehouse of neurotransmitters.

With this definition and capabilities, it turns out that we each have at least three brains (Sound confusing? You can read more about multiple brains in Oka and Soosalu’s book mBraining: Using Your Multiple Brains to do Cool Stuff).

Your three brains are located in your head, around your heart and in your gut. By understanding how to connect with each of your brains and in a particular order, you can slay your known dragons.

Here’s how I suggest you do it:

1. Relax. The exact method you use to relax isn't as important as that you just do it.

2. Step into the logic of the issue to get clear and specific about what the current situation is — and what your desired situation is. There's probably a disconnect.

3. Tune in with your heart. What is your heart telling you about the situation?

4. What is your head/logic telling you about the information perceived from your heart?

5. Now tune back in with your heart. What adjustments to the thoughts from your head need to be made?

6. Tune into your gut. What does your gut say about all of this information?

7. Ideally, at this point your gut has given you an indication of what actions need to be taken and given you the energy to take them. If not, then take the information from your gut and return to step three.

As you can see from the steps above, slaying your dragons is all about getting clear and becoming energized about taking actions, because you’ve been able to think about the situation (dragon) in a different way. Our hearts, heads and guts all work together to provide us the right path for moving on. I think Einstein said it best when he commented that "We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."

Solving the challenges and problems that come with divorce requires you to think and act differently than you have been. Once you can see these issues from a different perspective, it usually becomes fairly clear how you can slay your dragons. How do I know? Because I've done it myself.

Your Functional Divorce Assignment:

  • Identify a dragon you’re ready to slay. I recommend starting small. What’s one small thing that’s keeping you stuck?
  • Apply the process described above. Allow yourself the time to experiment with this process. I think you’ll be amazed at how quickly you’ll be able to get in touch with each of your brains and get moving in the right direction for you.

If you need an assist with this process, I'm just an email away.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr Karen Finn

Divorce Coach

Dr. Karen Finn is a divorce coach and the owner of The Functional Divorce. She works with people through all the different life changes divorce creates so they can get to living the best of their lives.

She is the author of On the Road from Heartbreak to Happiness daily messages to help you help yourself heal from divorce.

Dr. Karen is happy to give you "The 5 Things You MUST Know About Your Divorce". In it you'll get the information you need to be prepared for how your divorce will change your life.

 

 

Location: Ovilla, TX
Credentials: PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr Karen Finn:

Who Needs Your Ex? Give Yourself A Massage

By

One of the things that surprised me when I got divorced was how much I missed being touched. During the course of a typical day, my ex and I would accidentally bump into each other in the kitchen, briefly touch hands while we handed things to each other or touch the other on the arm to quietly capture their attention. Somehow after my divorce, this lack of ... Read more

You May Be Mad At Your Ex, But Don’t Be An Exhole

By

An exhole is an ex who acts like an a**hole. In my role as a divorce coach, I've heard all kinds of stories from my clients and family law attorneys. Many times, the stories a client tells me are about their ex behaving like an exhole, but not always. Sometimes I have clients who don't immediately realize that THEY are the exhole. Here are some ... Read more

Don't Turn Your Divorce Into A War

By

Steve had been having an affair with Stacie for a couple of years. Yesterday, she told him she was pregnant. At first he was shocked when he heard the news. But then he started thinking about the whole situation. In fact, he'd been thinking about what he really wanted out of life all day. He realized he was happier with Stacie than he had ever been or could ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB