Relationships Are Whatever You Make Them

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Relationships Are Whatever You Make Them
Create unique relationships that fit your post-divorce needs.

What will people think? My clients worry about what their kids will think about a gay lover, or how their family and friends will react. I worried about what my clients would think about my divorce as I was helping them negotiate their own difficult relationships. Then I worried about what people would think about me being in a relationship and not re-marrying. We know that kids accept what their parents are doing as long as the kids are getting the care, love and honesty they need. I realized that if I had a client who left because they learned I was divorced, it was for the best.  Life is way too short to worry about what everyone will think of your choices.

You can't force a square peg into a round hole. You may have your own creative, fantastic ideas about what needs to happen in your post-divorce family. That doesn't mean everyone else is going to agree. You ex may pull the, the-papers-say–this-is-not-okay, line on you. If that's what the papers say, they can do that. You may love your ex-in-laws dearly, but they feel they have to stick by their child who doesn't want them to have contact with you. Your ex can't control what others say about you or whether others want to stay in a relationship with you. It's great to have creative, fantastic ideas about what's going to happen, you just need to be realistic as well.

Be honest with yourself and authentic about your beliefs as you try to figure out what you and your family need. Give yourself permission to be creative. Perhaps your finances dictate you need a housemate. As Jake Dobkin points out in "The Gothamist," you're never too old to have roommates. Never reject a solution simply because it seems unconventional. Keep tweaking until it works for you.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Judith Tutin

Life Coach

Judith Tutin, PhD, ACC

Location: Rome, GA
Credentials: ACC, PhD
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