Instead of relying on mind-reading, share your dreams for the holidays. The most romantic notions need to be stated aloud—sometimes so that you can hear how ridiculous they actually sound, but usually so that you have a real shot at bringing them to life. For instance, if you’re hoping he’ll tack mistletoe over every doorway so that he can spin you around and kiss you a dozen times a day, make that fantasy happen by sharing it. If your idea of a Happy New Year is an explosive orgasm at midnight, that’s great, but you need to tell your partner and plan for the event, or she may have another midnight treat in mind—like watching the ball drop at Times Square. Yet, your wish could so easily have been fulfilled if only she’d known. Is it better to blame her for not intuiting your desire, or to tell her ahead of time and share the moment together? Of course, some desires might need a little revamping. If you’re hoping she’ll make Christmas cookies just like your mom’s—even though she doesn’t know a cookie sheet from a lasagna pan—well, maybe you need to rethink things. The point is to make loving and sexy holiday surprises happen by being realistic and letting your partner in on the secret. Otherwise, all those inflated expectations will burst like balloons, and the holiday joy you might have shared will evaporate.
One of the most stressful aspects of the holidays is trying to choose the right gift for a lover or mate, while also attempting to figure out what they are likely to do for you, so you can match largesse. How does the “should” compare with what you genuinely want to do or can afford? If expectations are unmet, what do you fear about your future love and sex life? These may sound like superficial issues, but they’re real concerns that add anxiety to the holidays and need to be taken seriously. Depending on where you are in the relationship, different approaches work best. If you’ve just begun dating, action gifts are often the best choices: a special dinner, tickets to a concert, a sensual massage afterward. When you’ve been together a while, it’s easier to say, “lets talk about holiday gifts” because practicalities can be considered within the context of life – i.e., you both care about how the cost of that ice bracelet will affect your summer vacation budget. Maybe a pair of artisan earrings is exotic enough to give you that “I’m so special” feeling, yet, won’t break the bank. And maybe gifts don’t have to be all about “stuff,” either. After all, what are gifts other than expressions-–or perceived expressions---of feeling?