ProConnect

Married to an alcoholic – tips to survive Xmas

By

Married to an alcoholic – tips to survive Xmas
If every year Xmas is miserable because of drinking, a little forward planning to make it different.

For many Xmas is a time of peace and joy, a time of goodwill to all men.  Its a time of celebration, eating too much and falling asleep on the sofa.  It is a time for families, for children (big and small) for extravagance and fun.  However, for a significant minority it is a nightmare, a time to dread, a time for shame, drunkenness, arguments (maybe even violence) and a time for misery.

Here are seven things that you can do to try and make this year different from previous years.  A little forward planning can help to avoid some of the pitfalls that normally happen to derail the Xmas spirit.

More from YourTango: Why Do Alcoholics Refuse To Stop Drinking?

Have a pre-Xmas talk with your drinker.  Yes we know you always do and every year you ask him not to get drunk and every year he does.  This year you could try telling him that you would rather that he did not drink during Xmas but you know that he is almost certainly going to.  So would he please  wait till after the Xmas dinner at least before he starts drinking or drinking seriously.  This is a time where you may need to compromise.  Use the new year for new resolutions, the new way ahead, and for lasting patterns of change.

Don’t buy in huge amounts of booze for Xmas.  In fact buy as little as possible.  He may buy his own supply and hide it but at least it may slow him down.

Maybe instead of having Xmas dinner at home go out to a restaurant.  OK he may still get drunk but at least there are other people around to police his behaviour.  It is important to remember (and to believe) that if he gets drunk and behaves badly that he is making a fool of himself, not you!

Have a back-up plan, so if he gets drunk you will have somewhere else to go.  OK so you should be able to have Xmas in peace in your own house but sometimes we need to be realistic.  Which is better, having another miserable Xmas full of anger and resentment or having a tension free Xmas dinner at a restaurant or a friend’s house?
Decide that you will have dinner with your drinker and when it is over take the kids to the cinema, or a show (if they are open) or somewhere like the park or beach.  This way you have something nice to look forward to rather than trying to escape from something awful.

Don’t argue with a drunk!  We can’t stress this enough.  Discussions with drunks seldom achieve anything except confusion, anger and frustration.  It is so easy to get sucked in and before you know it the argument is in full swing.  Give yourself a break and walk away.

If you do go to a party and he gets drunk and behaves badly, you do not need to stay till the end.  You can leave anytime you like, that is your choice, how he behaves is his choice.

More from YourTango: From Philip Seymour Hoffman To Shawn Pyfrom: Life As An Addict

If you have tried all of this and still nothing has worked then, maybe it is time for something more drastic.  Take the kids, if you have them, and go away for Xmas to a warm sun-drenched beach or a cruise, holiday park or anywhere nice.  It may not solve the problem in your relationship but it could guarantee you a great Xmas.

Whatever you do at Xmas, we hope that it is a happy and peaceful one.  For more information and tips about living with an alcoholic go to Bottled Up website.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr John McMahon & Lou Lewis

Author

Dr John McMahon & Lou Lewis

Bottled Up

john@247helpyourself.com

Location: Exeter, DEV, United Kingdom
Credentials: BS, PhD
Specialties: Addiction, Drug and Alcohol, Family Support
Other Articles/News by Dr John McMahon & Lou Lewis:

Why Do Alcoholics Refuse To Stop Drinking?

By

It seems crazy, booze is making him ill, everyone can see that, her friends don't want to be around her, and she can't see that. Why can't they see what everyone else sees so clearly? Why do they seem incapable of recognizing that that there is a problem at all and that it is destroying them?  With all these signs of a problem, why do ... Read more

From Philip Seymour Hoffman To Shawn Pyfrom: Life As An Addict

By

Philip Seymour Hoffman dies of a Heroin overdose and Shawn Pyfrom publicly admits to being an alcoholic and a drug addict on the same day. What a powerful message that addiction is no respecter of gender, age or social status. It can affect people who seem to have everything just as easily as those with nothing. We have no intention of moralising in this ... Read more

How Can He Love Me, But Not Put Down The Drink?

By

The infamous relationship question as a partner of a drinker is difficult for you to understand, and rightfully so. If he loves you as much as he says he does, why can't he stop drinking? He says he loves you and even gushes sentiments about how much he loves you, needs you and wants you, yet when you ask him to stop drinking, cut down or not drink for one ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
deep breath

Should I stay or Should i go? 5 Ways To Make The Best Decision

Are you confused about staying or going in a relationship? Read on...

shame

How to Get Over Your Stinkin' Thinkin'

Recognize "Stinkin Thinkin" that leads to depression and turn it into positive action and success.

valentines-flowers-surprise

Why Breakups Hurt

Breakups hurt us even when there is no love lost.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS